Groovy Orange
by Swift tales
Summary: Seventh installment in the Odd Colour Series and more then likely the very last bit! This is Slash people! EricRyan slash! Once again: SLASH! Will Eric and Ryan get back together after everything that's happened in Funky Purple? what of Rowen and H?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ryan couldn't believe his eyes, he seriously couldn't believe his eyes. He was at a crime scene at the beach, on order of Speed. The scruffy man had taken over Horatio's job temporarily while the the red head had taken time of for his honey moon. Ryan had been busy processing the body when he'd looked up and had seen Horatio standing there behind the yellow tape.

Horatio was wearing his regular sunglasses, but that was the only thing regular about him. He was wearing a sky blue t-shirt that outlined his thin physique and khaki shorts. His feet were bare and his red hair was messy. He'd grinned when Ryan had looked up and shrugged his shoulders, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his stance slightly slouched.

He'd never seen Horatio look like that, he was used to dark suits and red hair combed to perfection, standing ramrod straight. He was used to the intense eyes and the sometimes grim expression on a tanned face. But now Horatio was smiling gently.

Ryan straightened from where he'd crouched down near the body to take a closer look at the scratch marks on her upperarms and approached the older man. He had to admit, now that he was over his shock at seeing Horatio in anything but his regular suit, he looked good. Married life obviously suited him.

"Nice tan." Ryan said as a way of greeting.

Horatio chuckled and gave Ryan a boyish grin that he'd never seen before. "Thanks. Nice body." He said, nodding to the corpse. He took of his sunglasses, fiddled with them for a second and then put them in his pocket.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, Mary Shermon. Seems to have a lot of injuries, like she's been in a fight. No obvious cause of death, Alexx will know more when she takes her back to the lab. No major leads so far."

"Sounds interesting." Horatio said.

Ryan grinned. "I suppose so, but you shouldn't be thinking about work right now, should you?"

On some level he was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Horatio like that. Previously he'd always remained a respectful distance because Horatio was his boss. But now that he was married to Rowen, he was more then that. In the world Ryan and Rowen lived in, Horatio was family now and it seemed that Horatio didn't mind.

Horatio smiled ruefully. "I know. But old habbits and all of that."

They shared a laugh.

"Rowen around here?" Ryan asked.

Horatio motioned with his hand towards the ocean. "She's taking a swim. I didn't know she liked swimming so much. This is the fifth day at the beach, and we've only been on our honey moon for six days."

Ryan grinned deviously, let it never be said that Rowen hadn't rubbed off on him. "What did you do the first day?"

Horatio's face turned a fascinating red and he quickly looked back towards the ocean. Ryan sniggered, but decided to let it go. Rowen hadn't influenced him that much. "Enjoying married life?" He asked.

A gentle smile spread over Horatio's face that Ryan had never seen before. "I sure am, Ryan."

Ryan smiled as well. "Good to hear."

Horatio turned back to look at him. "How are you and Eric doing?"

The question surprised Ryan, but he should have expected it really. He shrugged slightly. "I suppose everything's fine. We're civil to each other when we're near each other, but we haven't worked a case together for a while."

Horatio gave him an encouraging smile and suddenly it dawned on Ryan that Rowen had probably send him there to 'make friends'.

Ryan grinned. "She's watching us, isn't she?"

Horatio grinned back and motioned feebly with one hand towards the ocean again. "Probably, she said she was going swimming, but it wouldn't surprise me if she was keeping an eye on us."

Ryan grinned and turned to look towards the ocean himself. He couldn't see Rowen amidst all the swimmers, but he was sure they were easy visible because of the bright yellow police tape. He shook his head, smiling. "It wouldn't surprise me either."

They grinned at each other.

Ryan sighed and then turned back to look at the body. "I probably should get back to work. I wouldn't want any evidence to go to waste."

Horatio nodded and then grinned. "Wouldn't want the boss to catch you slacking off."

Ryan chuckled and waved as he turned back to his crime scene. Horatio watched him work for a while and then turned around, making his way past the numerous towels spread out on the beach.

"So what did you and Ryan talk about?"

Rowen was drying her hair with her own towel while she was sitting on his towel. Horatio sat down on the sand and pulled her closer to him. They kissed briefly and Rowen pulled away, fixing him with a stern glare. "Don't change the subject!"

Horatio grinned and laid down on the warm sand, his arms behind his head, closing his eyes against the glare of the sun. Rowen grumbled and moved to sit astride him. "You're getting me all wet." Horatio said.

Rowen rolled her eyes. "Save it for someone who cares."

Horatio grinned and Rowen laughed, throwing her head back. Horatio took a brief moment to admire her smooth features. She was getting a nice dark tan because she'd been hopping around in a dark blue bikini on the beach for the last five days. The first day they hadn't left the thouse and Horatio could feel a hot flush cover his skin every time he thought back on that day.

"You know, tomorrow you should bring your swimtrunks and go swimming with me." Rowen said.

Horatio stared at her. "I don't own swimtrunks."

Rowen stared at him. "What? How can you not own swimtrunks?"

Horatio shrugged. "I don't even remember the last time I went swimming."

She eyed him. "You can swim, can't you?"

Horatio decided to ignore that. "I'll have to get a new pair if you want me to go swimming with you."

"Hmm." Rowen winked at him. "I'll help you pick one out."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Ryan leaned back slightly and looked over his work from his place on the ladder. He swiped his hand over forehead and slowly climbed down. He was almost finished painting the nursery. It still felt odd, he was going to be a father. He shook his head to himself and placed the roller he'd used to paint the walls against the bucket, on top of the newspapers, careful not to spill anything.

He was painting the walls in a warm cream colour, Rowen had said that he should wait to find out whether the baby would be a boy or a girl before he did the doors and the window and the trim so that he could choose between blue and pink.

The crib, the commode, the small wardrobe and all the other furniture was all white painted wood and the curtains were a soft beige colour. He was quite satisfied with the way it looked so far, considering that he still had loads of time before the baby was born.

Horatio and Rowen's wedding had been about three months after Ryan had found out that Erica was pregnant and their honey moon was almost over now. Erica was about fourteen weeks along and since she had to be about nineteen weeks along before they could perform the paternity test, he still had to wait another five weeks. However, he had stopped doubting Erica's word on this. He was positive that he'd scared her enough so that she'd be too afraid to deceive him in this manner.

Besides, two weeks before the wedding Horatio had told him in confidence that Rowen had gone to see Erica one day and that when she'd come back she'd looked decidedly smug. Considering the fact that Rowen had approved off the way he'd dealt with Erica, he was pretty sure he had nothing to worry about.

He'd focused almost all of his energy on the baby. He'd accepted the fact that he was a father, and he'd noticed that every time he stopped to dwell on it he could feel a small flame of happiness burning inside of him. He wasn't absolutely, completely drunk on happiness because he was going to be a father, but he'd noticed that slowly but surely he was growing more positive towards it. He was looking forward to holding a tiny scrap of life in his arms and knowing that it was his child he was holding.

He'd gone to all of Erica's appointments with her and he'd held a tight leash on all her movements, making sure that she did nothing to endager the life growing inside of her or that she couldn't get an abortion behind his back. They had another doctor appointment the following day, after Ryan got off from the work, and the doctor should be able to tell them what gender the baby would have.

His focus on his impending fatherhood allowed him to stop dwelling on Eric all the time and Ryan needed that. Because if he didn't have anything to distract him all he could think about was Eric. It was difficult to see him during the day when he went to work, difficult to know that they were over. He still wanted nothing more then to beg Eric to take him back, to give them another chance, but he kept his distance. He was polite and distant and although he knew that Eric wanted them to be friends, it wasn't something that Ryan was ready for.

He shook himself and quickly picked up his roller again. He was finished with the wall and the ceiling, all he needed to do now was the stuff in the other colour. He gathered his equipment and made his way to his kitchen. He wanted to get everything cleaned up before he took a shower to wash of all the paintspatter on his arms, face and hair.

After putting everything away, he went upstairs and took a shower, washing himself thoroughly. He got out of the shower, dried himself off and put on some clean clothes, a pair of sweat pants and a simply white T-shirt. He went downstairs and flopped down on the couch.

He wasn't quite sure what to do, he briefly debated calling Rowen but that was out of the question considering that today was the last day of her honeymoon, tomorrow she was going to have to go to work again, just like Horatio. He didn't want to disrupt the happily married couple on the last day of their honeymoon.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Dusk was already setting in and with a half-hearted stretch he reached out and flipped on the lamp on the small table beside the couch. At times like these he never could find anything to do, or anything to enjoy himself with. The house felt too big, too empty and he was lonely. God, he missed Eric.

He closed his eyes against the onslaught of tears and simply breathed through the wave of regret rolling through him. He and Eric had managed to establish something of a working relationship, they were polite, but no longer casual. They'd managed to be friendly with each other at Rowen and Horatio's wedding, but that had been it. It had been a little over three months now but it was still difficult.

He still saw Eric every day at work and while they were hardly ever paired up on a case anymore, they still saw each other in the lab, thanks to all the glass walls. And it was so difficult to see him everyday and stem the flow of longing that bubbled up inside of him. He still didn't know how he managed to keep going. His feelings for Eric kept escaping their box and wouldn't obey him when he wanted them to stay hidden.

He pushed the dark thoughts away, he shouldn't think like that. Briefly he wondered how long it would take for Rowen to get pregnant, not too long if she had any say in it. He wondered briefly if he'd prefer to have a daughter or a son, but then decided it didn't really matter. He turned to lie on his side and sighed, at times like this he really missed Eric.

He was almost fast asleep when he heard the front door open and close again with a small thump. He raised his head to pear at the hallway where Rowen apeared, a large grin on her face and shaking all over.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked.

She frowned at him, even as she keeps smiling. "I don't even get a hello or something?"

Smiling Ryan got up and gave her a hug. "It's good to see you again, it's been two weeks and that's a while for us. But since it's your last day and you're going to work tomorrow, I thought you might be spending it with Horatio… at home, wink wink, nudge, nudge."

Rowen laughed and grinned and shook her head and then nodded fiercely. "That was the plan but then I found out this morning and I simply had to come and see you and I haven't even told Horatio yet. I'm waiting for the opportune moment to shock him senseless! But I simply had to see you, but I couldn't let him know I needed to see you, so I said I was going to the grocers to get something."

Ryan blinked at her, slowly, replaying her words inside of his head several times. "Rowen, are you saying what I think you're saying?"Ryan could feel a grin spreading across his face. "You're going to have to switch to decaf soon, aren't you? "

An answering grin appeard on Rowen's face and she nodded wildly, giggling and laughing. "I'm pregnant!"

A great surge of joy exploded in Ryan's chest, he was so happy for her. She deserved this, deserved the happiness and the family she'd wanted ever since Ryan could remember. "Congratulations!" He said and then hugged her fiercely.

She hugged him back just as tightly and dimly Ryan thought that this was how the news about someone being pregnant should be, happy and joyous and not as the aftermath of something decidedly gruesome.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Ryan whistled cheerily to himself as he carefully painted the trim blue. The doctor had said that Erica's baby was a girl, but Ryan had decided that he liked the colour blue and to forego the pink. Rowen had been in agreement and that had sealed the deal.

It was odd, Ryan thought as he dipped his paintbrush into the paint once more and then carefully continued painting, but every time he thought about the fact that he was going to be the father to a baby girl his heart started racing and a smile appeared on his face. He couldn't stop himself.

He was going to be a father, a father! And while the mother of his child might be a woman he utterly depised, nothing would corrupt the fact that he was going to be the father of a purely innocent child. He wondered for a brief moment if she would look like him or like her mother and then promptly decided it hardly mattered. He'd love her no matter who she resembled in looks, because he'd raise her to be a decent and good and kind person.

The doorbell interrupted Ryan's musings and he swore briefly before quickly putting his paintbrush on the lid of the tin which contained the paint so that nothing would spill on the floors, even though the floor was covered in newspaper. He stood, stretched his back and then quickly made his way down the stairs.

When he opened the door he stopped in his tracks. "What are you doing here?" He blurted out.

Eric Delko shrugged. "You're on secundairy call, you didn't answer your cellphone or your homeline. There was no one else to call, so I thought I'd come by your place to check if you were home. We need an extra pair of hands at a crime scene."

Ryan nodded as well, acutely aware of how he must look in his dirty clothes spattered with paint. In truth however, Ryan had no idea of how he really looked, the tight, faded jeans looked like they were painted on and the dark blue t-shirt outlined the flat planes of his stomach and his broad shoulders. Even with paintspatter on his skin and in his hair he looked drop dead sexy.

"I probably didn't hear the phone, I was upstairs, painting the nursery."

Eric's face turned curiously blank at the word 'nursery', but he nodded nonetheless. Ryan cleared his throat uncomfortably and then stepped aside, indicating that Eric should come in. "I'll take a quick shower, change clothes and after that you can fill me in."

Eric nodded. "Sure."

He watched as Ryan went up the stairs, his eyes trained on Ryan's jean clad ass, swaying temptingly. The Cuban groaned and then quickly sat down. He rubbed his face and sighed. Ryan had been painting the nursery, the nursery for the baby that Erica was pregnant with.

He was startled with the slamming of the front door and a voice calling out; "Hey Ryan, I've got the …"

Rowen trailed off when she came into the living room and saw Eric sitting there. She lifted one curious eyebrow at him and then grinned. "What are you doing here?"

The tone of her voice clearly indicated that she was thinking all sorts of things Eric could be doing in Ryan's house and Eric almost groaned again. He quickly stood and shook his head. "It's not what you're thinking, I'm just here to pick Ryan up for work, he didn't answer his phone."

Rowen nodded. "I didn't know it was protocol to stop by your coworkers home if they don't answer the phone." Her voice still had that naughty edge to it and Eric could feel himself flush in embarrasment.

"It isn't, normally we just move on to the next in line for on call, but there is no one else and this place was on my way to the crime scene anyway so I decided to stop by and see if Ryan was home because he might have not heard the phone go off, which was indeed the case."

Rowen smiled at him, looking utterly unconvinced and not trying in the least to cover it up. "Which is why you were sitting there, looking all down and depressed. It's of course also the reason why you're being so defensive."

"I'm not being defensive!" Eric said, frowning.

The brown haired woman shrugged. "Alright then, you're not being defensive. Don't worry, Eric, I believe you, it's just to pick up a colleague. Because that's all Ryan is to you right, a colleague. It's not like you're in love with him anymore."

Eric remained silent, not being able to look her in the eye. Rowen's gaze had always been fairly piercing, but she must have gotten some pointers from Horatio lately as her blue eyes studied him.

"Exactly." Eric said finally, after a great period of silence, gritting his teeth.

They could hear the shower upstairs turning off and then Rowen smiled, suddenly all sweet and happy and bubbly and there was not a trace left of the sharp edge in her eyes. "How is everything going?"

Eric shrugged and watched as she sat down in the armchair. Eric sat down on the sofa again, leaning back against the back rest. "Everything's fine, you know, nothing special."

"No one special?"

The question caught him briefly off guard but he shrugged it off. "No, no one special."

"That's a shame." Rowen said, but her expression said something else entirely.

"What's a shame?" Ryan asked as he stepped into the room, not looking remotely surprised that Rowen was sitting in the armchair. The young man had changed into a pair of dark blue jeans with a white and lime green striped buttown-down shirt beneath a black sweatervest. Rowen grimaced when she saw the sweatervest.

"You look nice." She said, her eyes lingering on the black monstrosity.

Ryan merely ignored her, directing his attention to Eric as he moved for the coffee table. "So what's the case about?" He asked as he grabbed his gun, badge, keys and wallet from the coffee table.

Eric shrugged. "It's top priority, ten year old was kidnapped and we need another pair of hands at the crime scene. It needs to be processed as soon as possible. Speed and Sarah are working on the secundairy crime scene and we're going to check out what is possibly the primary crime scene."

Ryan nodded as he clipped his badge and his gunholster securely onto his belt. "Alright then, lets go. Rowen, did you need something urgent?"

She shook her head. "No, it's fine, I'll talk to you later, alright?"

Ryan nodded again and smiled. "Alright." He bend forward slightly and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You should check out the nursery if you have the time, it's really shaping up great." He added.

She smiled and nodded. "I certainly will."

And with those words Eric and Ryan left, heading for the hummer Eric had parked in Ryan's driveway.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"It's so painfully obvious that they're both still in love with each other." Rowen said, sitting on the bed indian style, watching as Horatio tried to tie his tie properly for his court appearance. The red head turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow as a sign for her to continue.

"I saw them both yesterday at Ryan's place when Eric went to pick Ryan up to help with the kidnap case… about that, how are you holding up?" She asked, standing up.

She watched her husband still his movements for a minute, his back stiffening as his muscles froze. The little boy's body had been found yesterday, the case had gone from kidnap to murder. It was the first time Horatio'd had a case with kids since he'd known Rowen and she wasn't sure how he dealt with it.

He slowly turned to look at her, his tie still untied and then pulled her to him, off from the bed, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and returned his fierce embrace. She bit her lip, would he feel better if she told him she was pregnant? She hadn't exactly told him the good news yet, wanting to shock him with it, but if it would make him feel better….

He finally pulled away from her after a while, a warm smile on his face while his eyes seemed supsiciously bright. Rowen smiled and stepped back enough so she could work on his tie, tying it with expert hands. Horatio watched her face, memorising all her features. He raised one hand and ran it through her hair.

She smiled at him. "Aren't you going to be late for your court appearance?"

Horatio chuckled and shook his head before untangling himself from her. "About Ryan and Eric… maybe you should give them time and they'll come to it on their own?"

Rowen blinked. "Do you think so? I'm not used to letting them solve their own messes."

"Hmm," Horatio mussed, "perhaps it's time you let them try. If they can't seem to fix it, you could always step in. But I think that the both of them still need time to recover from their latest … fall-out."

Rowen sighed as flopped back down on the bed. "I suppose you're right, I should let them deal with their emotions first and I should let them figure out what they want and everything but… I hate seeing them unhappy!"

Horatio nodded in understanding before he leaned down to give her a kiss on her mouth. "I have to go now. We'll continue this tonight. I love you."

Rowen smiled softly and nodded. "Alright, I love you too."

And so Horatio grabbed his jacket from a coat-hanger in the closet and left the bedroom. She waited until she could hear the Hummer start outside and then sighed. She really should tell him, she thought idly as she laid her hand on her lower belly.

She got up and went downstairs to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and sipping it thoughtfully. Well, she supposed he would realize it on his own when he noticed she'd stopped drinking coffee. But it would probably be a lot more fun to tell him in person.

But how to go about that? She briefly wondered how her mother had told her father, but quickly flattened that thought. Elaine Descamps had probably send her husband a memo while he was at work, along with the results of the home pregnancy test and with a list of pros and cons to help decide whether or not to keep the baby. Rowen didn't really know, she'd never asked.

She shrugged, she'd find a way. Besides, it didn't have to be in a shocking way, right? It could be a tender and sweet and loving moment, right? Rowen bit her lip.

--- --- --- --- --

Eric sighed as he went over the test results of the DNA processing while he made his way to the trace lab where Ryan was working. He stepped inside and smiled as Ryan looked up to meet him.

"Anything interesting?" He asked.

Ryan shook his head. "I found some fibers on the toytruck," he said, pointing at said toytruck. "But as long as I don't have anything to compare them to, it's pretty much a dead end."

Eric nodded. "This whole case seems to be filled with dead ends."

Ryan nodded and stared at the evidence, as if he hoped that as long as he stared long enough, the pieces of evidence would start talking to him. Eric had to admit that sometimes that technique worked, but they'd done it so often these last two days, that he doubted it would kick in now.

He stared at Ryan for a minute and then cleared his throat. "So, how is the baby doing?"

Ryan looked at him and frowned. "Baby? What b – Oh!" he blushed beat red. "She's doing fine, according to the doctor."

Eric lifted an eyebrow. "She?"

Ryan realized that his face heated up even more and looked back at the evidence so he wouldn't have to look at Eric. "The doctor says it's a girl."

"You sound…happy." Eric said, an odd tone to his voice that Ryan didn't want to identify.

"I always wanted children." Ryan said, shrugging.

"You did?" Eric's surprise was painfully clear.

"Yeah, I did." He turned to look at Eric now. "I know we never talked about it, but it was something I wanted. But with everything that happened I never found the time or the right moment to talk to you about it. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore."

Eric shook his head. "No, I suppose it doesn't."

TBC

Author's Note: Yes, I'm aware I said I'd post every wednesday and that today is not wednesday, but I'm in such a good mood (my best mate is over, I have a new plotline to work on, my grades are fabulous) and it's really difficult for me to wait until wednesday to post (since I'm used to posting every day or so) that I decided to post something new anyway


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Five weeks after Ryan had finished painting the nursery, the results of the paternity test confirmed what he'd known all along. Erica was pregnant with his baby. Dr. Damien had offered to have the lab check the results and when the second test results came back they were positive as well.

In the mean time, Rowen had told Horatio she was pregnant. It had taken her another two weeks to work up the nerve, but she'd finally told him when he'd come home from work one night. If Rowen was to be believed she'd dropped it on him by saying: "In six months our sex life is over."

After he'd heard the words, bedroom and wild, he'd happily tuned her out until she was finished rambling. He didn't need to hear about Rowen's sex life with Horatio. He supposed life was pretty good at the time. There was only one thing missing Ryan thought, as he gazed about the finished nursery. He still missed Eric.

"Ryan?"

The voice hardly startled him and he turned around from where he was leaning against the door jamb to look at Rowen, who was standing in the hallway. She was only about seven weeks along, almost two months, and except for a slight bulge around her stomach you couldn't really tell that she was pregnant yet.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine." He said, startled to find tears in her eyes.

She sniffed and then suddenly hugged him tightly. "You know I just want you to be happy, you know that right?"

He patted her back. "Yeah, I know that."

She pulled back and beamed at him. "Good! Now, I wanted to ask you something very important. Do you want to be my baby's godfather?"

He stared at her for a full minute. "But… I didn't know you were going to have the baby baptized."

Rowen shrugged. "It's something Horatio wanted to do, he said it was important to him, so I said alright. I asked him if I could ask you to be the godfather and he agreed, if he could ask Yelina to be the godmother."

"Please, Ryan? This is important to him, which makes it important to me. Besides, if someone is going to be the godfather of my baby, it has to be you." She added, smiling.

Ryan smiled. "Alright, I'll be your baby's godfather."

Rowen grinned and hugged him tight again. "Thanks, Ryan. That means a lot to me."

"Hey, will you be the godmother of my baby?" He asked, after she'd pulled back.

Her eyes widened and then she grinned wildly. "Of course I will!"

Ryan laughed and turned back to the nursery, looking at the neatly ordened furniture and the crisp cream walls. He was going to be a father and a godfather, the thought made him smile. "You wanna go out for ice cream or something?" He asked and Rowen nodded.

As soon as she'd found out she was pregnant she'd switched off coffee and had settled on something else, namely ice cream. They were seated at an old fashioned ice cream parlor, when Rowen brought up the subject of Eric again.

"How are you and Eric doing?"

Ryan fought the urge to roll his eyes, everyone kept asking those questions; Alexx, Rowen, Sarah, Speed, even Horatio a couple of times. He also suspected that he wasn't the only one being subjected to those questions, he was certain that they asked Eric on a regular basis too.

He shrugged. "We're doing fine, you know that. We're getting along fine, we don't see each other a lot outside of work anymore, though. How are you and Eric doing?"

The question obviously caught her off guard for a minute, because her eyes widened. He'd never asked that question before, but he was quite certain she and Eric still had contact. It wasn't like Rowen to stop being Eric's friend simply because he and Ryan weren't a couple anymore. Eric had found a place in her life and she couldn't just cut him out again.

Rowen recovered from her surprise soon enough though and shrugged, mimicking his earlier movement. "We'r doing fine. We went out for ice cream yesterday, he'd gotten off early and he called to see if I wanted to hang out. I agreed because Horatio was still working and you were at a doctor's appointment with Erica."

He nodded. "What did he say?" He hoped his voice didn't sound too curious.

However, the look she gave him told him she wasn't fooled. "We talked about me being pregnant and how Horatio took it. I asked him if he was seeing anybody new."

Ryan tensed slightly, his hand gripping his spoon tightly. He bit his lip, waiting for her to continue.

"He said he wasn't. He'd gone out clubbing a couple of times, but he hadn't really seen anyone to catch his interest. He wasn't interested in flings anymore, he said he wanted a real relationship."

She was studying him and he refused to meet her eyes.

"He misses you," she said softly. "He really misses you, Ryan."

Ryan dropped his spoon on the table with a clatter and leaned back in his seat. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and glowered at her, trying to keep the hurt at bay. "I don't care if he misses me, Rowen. He was the one who broke it off, he was the one who gave up on us."

He didn't want to talk about this, not here, not now.

"I know, Ryan. But I'm only telling you the truth. He misses you and I know that you miss him."

"That doesn't change a thing! He can miss me all he wants, the fact that he's the one who broke it off while I wanted to stay together doesn't change just because he misses me. I miss him too, Rowen, but I'm not going to beg him to come back."

She looked at him, a soft expression on her face. "And if he wants to come back on his own?"

He stared at her, trying to kill the hope rising in his heart, hoping that Eric had asked her to ask him that, to find out if he was still welcome. He stubbornly pushed it down, he was not going to get his heart broken again. It was probably just Rowen being curious.

"If he wants to come back, permenantly… I don't know what I would do." He said, avoiding her eyes.

Things were different now, it wasn't that easy anymore. If it had been just him, Ryan would have welcomed Eric back with open arms. But Ryan had to think about his child now and Ryan needed to make sure there was some kind of stability in her life. If Eric decided to up and leave again after he'd been with Ryan and his child… what then?

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Ryan carefully looked over the evidence and then checked his watch again. He had to be sure to leave on time for a doctor's appointment with Erica. The blond haired woman was eight months along now, about thirty-one weeks to be more exact. Rowen was about fourteen weeks, she was showing quite a bit already, and he hadn't seen her look happier.

He hadn't seen Horatio look happier either, every time he caught the older man unawares there was a smile on his face. Ryan grinned to himself, babies made everything better it would seem. He checked his watch again.

"You got somewhere to be?"

Ryan jumped slightly in surprise and then turned to look at Eric, who had just entered the trace lab. The Cuban looked good, Ryan had to admit. Eric was wearing a red shirt with blue jeans and he had a killer smile on his face. Ryan looked back to his evidence and shrugged.

"I have a doctor's appointment."

"Doctor's appointment? Are you okay?"

Eric was standing closer now, a concerned look on his face. Ryan quickly shook his head.

"No, not like that! I meant… I have a doctor's appointment with Erica, you know, for the baby."

Eric released a strained chuckle and nodded. "Oh yeah, like that."

Ryan nodded and kept his eyes fixed on the evidence, even though he wasn't really seeing anything.

"How is everything with Erica?" Eric's voiced sounded strained with just a hint of curiosity.

Ryan shrugged. "Everything's fine. We're close now you know, the baby'll be here soon and then I can finally shut her out of my life again. The baby is fine too, the doctor says she's in great health."

"That's good to hear." Eric said, not moving from where he was standing next to Ryan, so close that their shoulders were almost touching. "Have you decided on a name yet?"

Ryan turned to look at him, and there was a thoughtful expression on Eric's face. "Not really, I've been thinking about it, but nothing really came to mind."

Eric nodded and Ryan checked his watch again. "I should get going."

Eric nodded again. "Okay, I'll finish up here for you."

"You sure?"

Eric smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Eric watched as Ryan gave him a heartstopping smile and then took off. He turned back to the evidence. He'd practically panicked when Ryan had mentioned the doctor's appointment, only to realize that of course Ryan was going to doctor appointments, he was going to be a father. When Horatio had mentioned taking off early for a doctor's appointment about a week ago he hadn't panicked, he'd only nodded in understanding.

And that was his problem, wasn't it? Everything was different when it came to Ryan, he couldn't think straight when it came to the younger man. It was abslutely ridiculous that after a period of eight months he still hadn't gotten over the younger man, still couldn't find it in himself to move on.

Oh, he'd told Rowen that he'd gone out clubbing again and that he just hadn't found anyone interesting to have a real relationship with yet. He'd lied to Rowen. Yes, it was true that he went out clubbing again, but that was just to forget himself in the music, in the atmosphere, in the alcohol, but no way in hell was he looking for a new relationship just yet.

And every time he was confronted with the fact that Ryan was going to be a father, every single time, he couldn't help the longing that bubbled up inside of him. Ever since Ryan had confessed that he'd always wanted children, that he'd just never brought it up with Eric before, he couldn't help but wonder how life would be if he and Ryan had taken that conscious step and someone was carrying their baby for them.

He growled at himself, forcing those thoughts far away in the back of his head, forcing himself to forget about it. There was no use in wishing or hoping for something that wasn't real and wouldn't be real. He and Ryan had split up and they were not going to get back together.

_And whose fault is that? _

He gritted his teeth and forced himself to focus on the evidence, but the little voice inside his head, that sounded suspisciously like Rowen, wouldn't shut up.

_It's your own fault. You pushed him away when he needed you the most. He'd found out that Erica had raped him and what did you do? You turned your back on him! You walked away, saying that you couldn't fight for him anymore, that you've had enough, that maybe it was fate trying to tell you that you just weren't meant to be. _

_What if it wasn't true, Eric Delko? What if it was fate's way of telling you that you have to keep fighting and that the rewards will come in the end. You gave up and where are you now? Alone, aching and pining for him while he forces himself to move on with his life because he's going to be a father. _

_What would have happened if you'd stayed with him huh? You would have been together, you would have been planning to raise that child together. You would have been arguing about what to call your daughter, you would have taken turns going to the doctor with Erica. You would have been happy! _

_But instead you condemned the both of you. _

Eric gritted his teeth and started packing up the evidence, his shift was over soon and night shift would need the equipment and the table. He packed everything up started putting it in the boxes they used to keep all the evidence of a single case in.

_But it's not too late Eric, he didn't want to break up remember? Maybe, if you go back on your knees an__d beg him to take you back, maybe he'll still have you. After all, didn't Rowen say that Ryan had said he wasn't sure what he would do? _

Eric sighed as he carried the boxes to the evidence locker one by one. It didn't matter that he missed Ryan. It had been his decision to break up with Ryan, yes, and he was sticking with it. He didn't want to get his heart broken again, or ride the emotional rollar coaster that a life with Ryan signified.

He didn't want to look over his shoulder every minute of the day to check if they weren't being followed, if some crazy stalker wouldn't come and kidnap Ryan or kidnap Eric or stab Rowen. He didn't want to deal with all the emotional upheaval and all the emotional drama.

He just wanted to live his life in peace, was that to much to ask?

_Do you really think you'll be able to live your life in peace without Ryan by your side? _

Maybe not, Eric thought, but at least I won't have to keep worrying about either one of us getting hurt again.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note: yes, Eric is being a dummy


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Damn! That's an ugly baby!

Goddamn! That's an ugly ass baby!

I give the doc a smakin,

Say can't you stuff her back in,

Coz that was an ugly.."

"Will you knock it off?" Ryan asked, turning to glare at Rowen who'd been singing that same song over and over again for the last twenty minutes.

Rowen merely giggled. "Stephen Lynch is a genius!"

Ryan snorted. "You would think so. But stop singing it, she's not ugly!"

As if to prove his point, the small baby he'd been holding in the crook of his left arm snuffled slightly and then gave a small yawn, before dozing back off again. Rowen made a strange sounding aaaww-noise in the back of her throat and grinned. "You're right, she's not ugly, she's very, very cute!"

Ryan rolled his eyes and slowly carried her to her crib, it was a miracle his daughter hadn't woken up yet with Rowen singing so … enthousiastically. He carefully laid her down, made sure her blanket kept her nice and warm and then simply leaned on the edges of the crib, looking at her and smiling.

Rowen came to stand next to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Aaaww, you're already head over heels in love with her."

It was true, Ryan realized, he was head over heels in love with his daughter. Ever since he'd held the little girl in his arms he'd been completely lost. He smiled and reached out with one finger to softly stroke her cheek. She had a patch of dark brown hair and blue eyes. He adored her.

"Hey Aislin." He murmured softly.

Aislin, that was her name. It was Gaelic for vision or dream. He'd stumbled across it in a book for baby names and he'd loved it. He thought it was perfect. He thought she was perfect.

He hadn't asked Erica's opinion about the name and she probably didn't care either way. The blond haired woman had been in labour for over fourteen hours by the time Aislin finally came into the world and when the nurses had given her to the blond-haired woman she'd immediately handed her over to Ryan. Erica had been sweaty and angry and exhausted and had refused to take her child back into her arms.

Ryan hadn't felt much for handing her back either. He'd held her carefully in his arms, she was so small and fragile and he loved her. She'd blinked open still unclear eyes and Ryan had been completely and utterly enchanted. This was his daughter, his baby girl.

"Come on, daddy, you better let her sleep and take a few minutes to relax a bit, because trust me, you're not going to have time to relax for quite some time to come." Rowen said, tugging gently on his arm, a soft smile on her face.

He turned to look at her and smiled. You could definitely tell Rowen was pregnant now, although Ryan supposed Rowen looked …bigger then Erica had at that point in the pregnancy. He shrugged, he'd heard from the doctor that it was different with every pregnancy.

Some women looked like they were only five months along when in reality the baby was due any moment. Some women looked like they were nine months along when the baby was still four months away.

He allowed Rowen to tug him towards the living room, where Rowen carefully sat down in the armchair and Ryan flopped down on the couch. "She's amazing." Ryan whispered, staring up at the ceiling.

"Yes, she is," Rowen agreed. "I was wondering though, what did you arange with Erica for the breastfeeding? I mean, it's healthier for the baby if it drinks breastmilk for six months after they are born, the mother's immune system helps protect the baby."

Ryan nodded. "I know, that's why Erica's going to provide bottled breastmilk as part of our … agreement. She should be bringing some over later."

Rowen grinned. "You thought of everything, haven't you?"

Ryan nodded again and closed his eyes. He didn't want to admit it, but he was kinda tired. He'd requested some time off from work, which had been accepted, thanks to Horatio. He had two weeks off, then he would have to go back to work for two weeks and then he'd get two months off.

The reason for the two weeks between his two breaks was because Sarah, Calleigh's replacement, had requested two weeks during that time and Ryan couldn't be spared. Horatio had explained it to himself with an apologetic expression on his face, but Ryan understood.

Ryan wanted to be there as a father for his daughter, which meant he was not going to be able to do so much over time anymore. He'd already looked into a daycare centre and realized that there was one near the crime lab which many of his coworkers used. Ryan had gone to look into it and he'd be able to drop of Aislin there, so everything was settled.

"You look like you're about to fall asleep." Rowen remarked.

Ryan lazily opened one eye and grinned, Rowen grinned back. Ryan had heard somewhere that all pregnant women glowed. When he was younger he'd imagined women with wide bellies giving light in the dark.

Erica hadn't glowed, she'd been plagued with morning sickness and cramps and backpains and had looked absolutely disgruntled and angry. Rowen glowed, Ryan thought iddly, she seemed to bounce with energy and there was a permenant smile on her face.

Although, aparently, she had suffered some morning sickness in the first stages of her pregnancy and if Horatio was to be believed she was prone to violent mood swings when she was home. But she and Horatio were happy and that was all that mattered.

Ryan studied her for a minute. "So did the doctor tell you whether it's a boy or a girl?"

Rowen gave him a broad smile. "Boys."

Ryan smiled back. "That's good."

He closed his eyes and sighed, allowing his muscles to relax. Five seconds later he frowned and opened his eyes again. She was still grinning and Ryan quickly sat up straight, staring at her, his eyes wide.

"Boys… as in… plural?"

Rowen nodded, a look of pure glee creeping over her face. "Twins! I'm having twins Ryan!"

To Be Continued…

Swift tales: the song Rowen was singing was 'Baby' from Stephen Lynch, who is a brilliant singing comedian and is someone Rowen would certainly enjoy.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Rowen hummed happily to herself as she closed the first drawer on the right hand side of her desk. She was packing away some of her stuff in her office at the CHP and was generally just tidying up. She was going on maternity leave and had arranged with several fellow pediatricians at the CHP to take over her cases while she was away.

Her maternity leave had actually started two days ago, but she'd needed a bit more time to transfer all of her patients, confer with the parents, the patient and the new doctor to get everyone comfortable, needed to clear up all of her paperwork and she'd had to help her superior sign over her hours in the free clinic to other doctors.

To be completely honest, Rowen wasn't entirely happy with the maternity leave. She was glad to be home more because that meant she could do whatever she wanted. But at the same time, everyone would be at work while she'd be at home and she'd have nothing to do but watch TV and watch Stylo, her ginger cat, sleep.

She hadn't been certain about keeping Stylo after she'd married Horatio, but the older man had liked the cat and so they'd kept him. Rowen thought that was a good thing, she had Stylo ever since he was a kitten and even though the only things he did anymore were sleeping and eating, she loved him dearly.

When the phone rang she jumped slightly and grimaced at herself. She was getting more jumpy as of late and definitely a wee bit more emotional then she was used to. She rubbed her belly affectionately, trying to settle the squirming kids within. She took a deep breath and answered the phone.

"Hello, this is Dr. Desc.. I mean Dr. Rowen Caine of the Central Health Power, can I help you?"

"Rowen, it's Horatio, listen, you said you were leaving for maternity leave today, right?"

Rowen nodded and then realized he couldn't see her, rolled her eyes at herself. "Yes."

"I need you to stay put until I come and get you, alright, don't take a cab home."

Rowen frowned. "Horatio is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, I just need you to stay put. I'm not sure when I'll be able to come and get you, but … don't leave okay, just do me that favour, don't leave." Her husband's voice was agitated and pleading. She bit her lip, something was obviously wrong.

"Please, Rowen, I … I need you to do this for me, alright honey? I just… please, Rowen."

The pleading tone in his voice was scaring her a bit, to be honest, especially because he sounded scared too. "Alright, of course, I'll stay put until you come and get me."

The relief in his voice was glaringly obvious. "Alright, thank you, I'll come and get you as soon as I can. If something's wrong, call me immediately, alright? I love you, Rowen."

"I love you too Horatio."

"Just… be careful honey." And with that he hung up.

She stared at the phone for a while before setting it back in the reciever and bit her lip. What was going on? Was everything alright? Horatio would tell her if someone had gotten hurt right? Something was obviously wrong, but he hadn't told her anything. She frowned. Was she some kind of simpering school girl? No! She'd promised Horatio she'd stay put and that was what she would do, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try to found out what was going on some other way.

She picked up the phone again and dialed a familiar number. Ryan had gone back to work for two weeks about a week ago, which meant he was probably at the lab right now.

"Wolfe."

"Ryan, it's Rowen. What the hell is going on?"

"What?"

"Horatio just called me," she tapped her foot impatiently on the floor. "He made me promise I wouldn't leave the CHP until he came and got me to take me home. He sounded agitated, concerned and worried. It scared the shit out of me alright! Now tell me, what's going on."

There was silence on the other side of the phone for a while.

"Ryan!" Rowen snapped.

"Didn't Horatio explain it to you?"

"No, he didn't, he was just really eager to get me to promise not to leave the CHP and then he hung up!"

Another moment of silence and Rowen was getting really agitated now, not to mention scared. Being scared made Rowen angry, really angry. She didn't like being scared.

"Ryan!" She'd practiacally yelled in the phone now.

"Fine! Alright, Horatio, Eric and Speed are working a case on a gun transportation gone wrong. Appearently the name Clavo Cruz popped up. Clavo and Horatio… well lets just say they don't get along. Clavo and his brother had political immunity because of their father, some general or other, but Horatio managed to get Clavo's brother arrested because he'd killed a girl on Canadian ground right here in Miami and arresting him in open seas."

"About a year and a half later Clavo ran over a girl with his car. Horatio managed to prove that Clavo wasn't the biological son of the general, which caused him to rescind Clavo's political immunity. Horatio arrested him and he got 25 to life. There is a lot of bad blood there, Rowen, and Clavo would do anything to get back at Horatio."

Rowen bit her lip. "Do you think this Clavo guy knows Horatio got married?"

Ryan's voice was hesitant. "I'm not sure, he was in jail but Clavo knows a lot of people, he could have found out one way or the other. Horatio is just being careful, he doesn't want you or the babies to get hurt."

"Fuck." Rowen whispered, leaning back in her desk chair.

"Rowen, I'm sure everything will be fine, alright? Just stay in the CHP, make sure you have your cell phone nearby in case anything happens and wait for Horatio to come and get you."

"Alright."

And with that Rowen hung up, she stared angrily at the phone for a while. Ryan's words hadn't comforted in the least. She forced herself to calm down, but the fear was creeping up on her and she absentmindedly rubbed her belly. Grimacing she went and locked her office door.

Several hours later and she was still cooped up in her office. She'd been entertaining herself with playing minesweeper and spider solitaire on the computer or mucking around on youtube watching Stephen Lynch video's. She'd resisted the urge to call Horatio a couple of times now and had called Ryan only two times after her first call with him.

However, he hadn't been able to help her. He'd been assigned his own case about a little boy who'd been shot in his own front yard. Speed had been reassigned to Ryan's case to help and he hadn't said anything useful Ryan claimed. Whether that was the truth or whether they just didn't want her to worry was something else entirely.

There a knock on the door and she jumped. Between her pregnancy and her frazzled nerves about the Clavo situation, she was feeling quite jumpy.

"Who is it?" She called out, not getting up from her chair.

"It's Horatio."

Rowen sighed in relief and got up from her chair, she unlocked the door and opened it. There stood her red headed husband, looking worried and slightly stressed. She glared at him and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Have you any idea how worried I've been? You scared the shit out of me!"

Horatio sighed and suddenly pulled her to him, hugging her as best as he could with her belly in the way. Rowen hugged him back. Horatio wasn't someone who easily showed his affection publically. It was easy enough when Eric and Ryan were present and he was a little bit protective of her now that she was pregnant, but this was still odd behavior.

He pulled away and kissed her briefly on the mouth. "Let's go home."

He helped her into the hummer and then got behind the wheel. Once the were off, he started talking.

"When Eric called me to tell me that the man who murdered an officer in charge of the gun transportation was related to Clavo Cruz, I just couldn't help myself. I needed to make sure that you were alright, that you would be alright. I'm sorry if I scared you."

Rowen shook her head. "That's okay, it's just… I was worried about you too and…," she sighed. "Is everything alright now?"

Horatio shrugged. "I went to see Clavo in prison, he stabbed a guard right in front of me. He's being heard about it tomorrow. The whole thing doesn't feel right. I hope you don't mind, but I've arranged a patrol car to watch over the house tomorrow and I'd like you to stay home until this has been dealt with."

She looked at him, the way his knuckles were white from clenching the steering wheel so hard, the way his mouth was set in a thin line and shook her head. "It's fine… do you really think something will happen?"

"I don't know, but I've learned to be careful when things don't feel right."

To Be Continued….


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Clavo?"

Clavo Cruz had somehow managed to change from his government issued jumpsuit to a white t-shirt with gold print and a black leather jacket. He was also wearing dark blue jeans and loafers. Horatio briefly wondered where he'd gotten the clothes.

They were standing in front of the Golden Beach National Bank. When Horatio'd found out that Clavo had escaped from the courthouse he'd immediately called the officer keeping watch on Rowen. But it seemed that Clavo had other things in mind.

"Horatio Caine…" the escaped convict said. "I heard you got married a couple of months ago, appereantly she's pregnant and everything."

Horatio gritted his teeth, but didn't say anything, knowing that it would get on Clavo's nerves. First rule of combat: anger your enemy, because anger made someone slip up. Clavo, however, merely smiled.

"I heard she was a doctor, a pediactrician. You love her a lot Caine? I'm sure you do, you're not the kind of guy to marry a girl if you don't. She's perfectly healthy, isn't she? Perfectly healthy and happy and pregnant," Clavo's voice deepened, "you better cooperate if you want her to stay that way."

Horatio put a step forward. "If you harm one hair on my wife's head, I'll kill you…slowly."

Clavo merely laughed and then motioned to the bank behind them. "This bank look familiar, Caine? It's should… it's where you deposit your little city wage."

It seemed as if everything had gone back to business and Horatio released the threads of anger swirling through him. He needed to be calm for this. "So, where's the girl?"

"She's safe…for now."

Horatio wanted to slam his fist into Clavo's smug face.

"Why don't you take me to her?"

"Take it easy. First I need you to do a little business for me. Now you're going to walk into that bank and you're going to withdraw one million dollar from your account."

Horatio almost wanted to laugh. Did Clavo honestly think that Horatio had that much mony in his account? "That's quite a city wage."

Clavo put a few steps forward. "I had it wired in from overseas."

Horatio released a breahtless laugh, he should have known.

"You see, the banks in this country," Clavo continued, "have got no love for me anymore, thanks to you. So I was forced to improvize. Now, if you don't want the girl to get hurt and if you want your little wife to be alive tomorrow, you better do as I say Caine."

"Now, Cathy is tied up in the trunk of a mercedes. As soon as I get my benjamins, you get her. And Caine, my people are watching. You use your phone, she's all done."

Horatio shifted on his feet. "Clavo, this is between you and me, lets leave her out of his."

Clavo laughed. "Now which 'her' are you talking about Caine? Your bubbly wife or the girl from the courthouse? You took everything from me and now it's time for you to give something back. You're just lucky I'm not collecting interest on your happy little family."

"You're not going to be able to pull this off, Clavo."

Clavo merely made a clicking noise with his mouth and motioned with his head towards the bank. "Giddy up, cowboy."

Horatio resisted the urge to sigh and merely put on his sunglasses. He could faintly hear Clavo saying something about a mojito as he entered the bank, stepping into the cool airconditioned hallway. He could pick out Clavo's people almost immediately. They weren't being very subtle about watching him walk in.

The girl behind the counter was friendly, polite and immediately realized what was going on when he laid his badge on the counter. "Take your time."

"I see," she gave him a smile, "wait here."

Handing over the money along with the tracking device went without hitch and as soon as Clavo drove off Horatio called Eric. He made another call to the officer watching Rowen, making sure she was alright, before moving to the building Clavo had pointed him at.

Only five minutes worth of air left, five minutes and they had to search the entire complex for a mercedes. He started at the top floor and it didn't take long before Eric came up as well, driving the Hummer. Horatio easily stepped on the small ridge and held on to the open window. "Lets go."

They finally found a mercedes and stopped. "Did you call for back up?"

Eric nodded. "Yeah, and an ambulance too. Lets hope she's still alive."

It was the wrong mercedes.

"This could take hours, H."

Horatio turned around and spotted another mercedes. "Not necessarily, Eric."

Before they reached the car however, they were under fire. Horatio immediately ducked for cover behind a car, but Eric, who had been running towards the second mercedes right in the drive way, didn't have any time to run for cover. He got shot and went down.

As fast as Horatio could he ran towards the other man, wrapped his arm around his shoulder and hauled him behind another car for cover. Eric was shot in the left thigh and was loosing quite an amount of blood. The Cuban was breathing heavily, gritting his teeth against the pain.

He used the reflection in the window of another car to get a look at the shooter. The idiot had climbed up on the railing to get a better view of them, but at the same making a perfect target out of himself. After reloading his gun with new ammo Horatio stood and shot him down with a single shot.

He stood there for a moment, simply breathing, before turning to his coworker. "Eric?"

"I'm gonna be fine H!" Eric's voice was filled with pain.

Another shot rang out and Horatio immediately whirled around, firing his own gun. When there was no return fire he stopped. When he turned around again, Eric wasn't moving.

To Be Continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Ryan stared at the wall, completely numb and shut off from the world. Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot, Eric had been shot…

He couldn' think about anything else. He didn't notice Speed's agitated pacing across the floor of the waiting room. He didn't notice Alexx sitting beside him, crushing the bones of his right hand as she held it tightly. She seemed to be on the verge of tears, as she watched Speedle pacing back and forth, back and forth.

Ryan didn't notice anything outside the world of his thoughts. He could only think about Eric, who had been shot. He was stabilised appearently and they were allowed to visit him, only one person at a time though and right now, Horatio was with him.

He had been feeling agitated through out his case, about the small child shot in his own front yard, shot by his own brother. He'd been worried about Rowen, because if Clavo wanted revenge on Horatio there was no telling what he would do. He'd asked H about it and the older man had said that he'd placed a patrol car in front of the house and that Rowen had promised to stay inside for the day. Ryan felt that it wasn't enough, but they couldn't do much more.

He wished Rowen was here, but she couldn't because she'd promised to stay inside and they still hadn't found Cruz so she wasn't all that safe and now Eric was shot and who the hell was going to support Ryan through this because if Eric wasn't okay he was going to collapse and if he collapsed then who was going to take care of Aislin and if Ry-STOP!

He forced himself to stop thinking, forced himself to open his eyes to the world and look around. It was only now that he realized his hand was realy smarting and he carefully extracted his bruised fingers from Alexx' grasp. She gave him an apologetic smile and let him go.

When Horatio came in the waiting room Ryan immediately stood, followed by Alexx and Speed, who'd just paced to the other side of the waiting room quickly came over.

"How is he?" Ryan asked, his voice was breathless and slightly higher then normal.

Horatio sighed and ran a hand through his hair, giving him a disheveled look that looked out of place on the usually so tidy and collected lieutenant. "He's unconscious. He looks pretty bad, but the doctor's say he should be alright. They'll know more though when he wakes up."

Ryan nodded, feeling slightly relieved, but the feeling of anxiety that lurked on the edges of his consciousness wouldn't go away. Horatio gently took Ryan's arm and steered him away from the others. "Go and see him, Ryan."

Ryan nodded, wanting to thank Horatio but not able to push the words past his clogged up throat. Horatio seemed to understand however, because he smiled softly. "Take as long as you need. I'm going back to the lab. When you're done I need you to process Eric's crime scene, if you're up to it."

Ryan nodded, his expression grave. "Oh, I'm up to it, H. I want to nail whoever did this."

Horatio gave Ryan a grim smile and nodded before turning around and going back to the others. Eric hadn't been given a real room yet, he was lying in a bed surrounded by curtains near the entrance of the ER. Ryan took a deep breath and pushed aside the curtain, stepping inside the enclosed space.

The first sight of Eric nearly made him loose his lunch. He had a white bandage around his head and there were all kinds of wires going in and out of his body. His skin was pale and clammy and he was so still as if he was … Ryan didn't allow himself to think about it. He leaned against the small pillar that stood between the curtains for a while, his hand pressed to his mouth, simply gazing at Eric.

He needed this time, to simply look and observe before he could even think about approaching the bed. His eyes trailed over Eric's form again and again before eventually resting on his face. He couldn't bring himself to come closer and the longer he stood there the longer Eric's crime scene would take to process. Finally, he pushed away from the wall and slid between the curtains, away from Eric's bedside.

When he was back in the waiting room Speed went in next, after asking Ryan to wait so they could process the scene together. Speed didn't stay in Eric's room too long and after he came back there was a hard edge in his eyes that hadn't been there before. They left for Eric's crime scene together.

Ryan didn't think he'd ever processed a crime scene so thoroughly. He went over every thing twice, made extra care not to miss a thing and did everything by the book. He was taking a few shots of the crime scene with his camera when he took a deep breath and turned to Speed.

"Did they find that girl yet? Cathy Gibson? Because I really need some good news right now."

Speed sighed and shook his head. "I'm afraid not. Natalia and Tripp are working on it. We're just hoping she's still alive." The scruffy CSI sighed and then turned towards the balustrade where the first snipe shooter had been killed.

"So, H and Delko are looking for the girl, right? Suddenly they're under fire, Horatio ducks behind a car, but Eric can't get himself out of the way in time and gets shot in the left thigh. Horatio intercepts him and drags him behind another car," Speed pointed at the car, there was some blood on the ground.

Ryan nodded, snapping a few photo's, taking a deep breath. "After that, Horatio kills the guy when he's dumb enough to go stand on the railling and make a complete target of himself. There's a shot fired from Horatio's left hand side," Ryan turned and pointed, "And that shot hits Eric in the head."

Speed nodded, crouching down where he imagined H must have been. "Well, H didn't see anything, his whole line of sight was blocked by those cars. Didn't stop him firing his weapon though."

Ryan shrugged. "That's instinct you know, you get shot at, you shoot back."

Speed nodded. "Yeah, cop instinct."

Ryan shrugged and went to investigate the line of cars, from where the shot had been fired. There was another row of cars behind that one, but it was practically empty. There was one car standing a distant away from the others and Ryan approached it. Something caught his eyes, but he couldn't see it properly in the light of the sun, he moved away and tried to look from the other side, using his flashlight so that his own shadow wouldn't cover anything up.

"Hey, Speed, I've got a GSR cone over here." He snapped a couple of shots and then swabbed it. "The car is behind the line of cars blocking H' sight…"

Speed nodded. "Yeah, the shooter used that car to steady his aim."

Ryan hummed in agreement, taking in the position that the shooter must have been in and sighed. "Chose the car with the best advantage point. Definitely knew what he was doing."

Speed pointed down. "Or maybe he created the vantage point, it's taking up two parking spaces."

Ryan sighed. "Do you think he was aiming for Horatio and Eric?"

"Well he would if he was working for Clavo. Or hey, maybe it was some guy who just hated cops, or maybe the dude just did it for fun." The biting sarcasm wasn't lost on Ryan.

The younger of the two narrowed his eyes. "There's no need to get bitchy, Speed."

"I'll show you bitchy." Speed muttered, but there was no real anger behind the statement. He was just tired and pissed off that someone had shot his best friend. Ryan understood, he was feeling pissed off himself.

Speed cleared his throat. "Alright, lets go talk to the owner of the car. His car having a front seat of the shooting seems like one hell of a coincedence."

To Be Continued…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

After they arrested the security guard and Clavo Cruz was shot Speed said he was going back to the hospital, Ryan went home. He picked up Aislin from the daycare centre and went home. He needed some time to work thorugh his own emotions, needed some time to be alone. He'd go visit Eric in the hospital first thing in the morning.

He'd called Rowen as soon as he got home, making sure that she was alright. She was fine, if worried for Eric and she was going to visit him tomorrow afternoon. Ryan had told her that Eric hadn't woken up yet, but that the doctors were fairly confident that he would.

Aislin was being fussy, she wouldn't go to sleep and she simply kept crying. There didn't seem to be a reason for her crying either, she wasn't hungry, her diaper didn't need changing, she didn't need to burp, she didn't want her pacifier, rocking her didn't seem to help, nothing seemed to bloody help! Finally, after what seemed like hours she fell asleep, only to wake up a couple of hours later and start the whole routine again.

It was no surprise that when morning came Ryan was bleary eyed and tired. Coffee didn't seem to really wake him up, neither did a hot shower. He was very tempted to call in sick, but with Eric in the hospital and Sarah away on holiday he couldn't leave the lab without another CSI.

He dropped Aislin off at the daycare centre and then drove to the hospital. He'd promised himself that he'd go see Eric this morning and he would, no matter how tired he was. He owed it to Eric, who was still his friend after all. When he came in, he almost bumped into Speed, who seemed to be leaving.

He took one look at him and frowned. "You look horrible. Have you been here all night?"

Speed nodded, the purple circles beneath his eyes making him look haggard and even scruffier then normal. "Yeah.. I… He's been asking for you."

Ryan blinked; "He has?"

He hadn't expected that Eric would want to see him, or that he'd be asking for Ryan specifically. Their relationship was over, they were just friends now and coworkers. Sure, Rowen said that Eric missed him, but that didn't mean that he wanted to see Ryan more then anybody else, right?

Speed nodded, looking uncomfortable. He then grabbed Ryan by the elbow and steered him away to a corner where they wouldn't be overheard. "They moved him into one of the rooms upstairs, room 509. Look, Ryan, he's lost a part of his memory. According to the doctors it's normal, considering he's been shot in the head. But we're not exactly clear on how much he remembers and how much he doesn't remember."

Ryan gaped at him. Eric had lost his memory? How much of it? What did he still remember? What couldn't he remember? An ice cold feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, curling into a small ball of fear.

"How much does he remember?" Ryan asked, his voice tight.

Speed shrugged, looking uneasy and trying to cover it up. "Well, he thought he was dead because I was sitting next to him. So I explained to him that he was alive and that I was alive. However, he does remember what happened with Calleigh because he asked me if they fired Sarah to get me back at the lab. He obviously knows a part of his memory is missing, but no one knows how much is missing, especially Eric."

Ryan took a deep breath, trying to clear his head and dispel the ball of fear in his gut. "Alright, I'll go see him then. If he's not sleeping?"

A part of him hoped that Eric was sleeping, that he wouldn't have to go and see him, that he could go back to work, that he shouldn't disturb Eric.

But Speed shook his head. "No, he's awake."

Ryan nodded. "Alright."

And with that he left Speed standing in the corner and approached the elevators. Room 509, that meant he had to be on floor 5, the ninth room on the left. He found Eric's room almost immediately, but it took him at least ten minutes before he managed to to raise his hand, knock and enter.

Eric was leaning back on the raised head of the bed, a lot of pillows were supporting his head. He looked slightly tired, but awake and he was poking and glaring at a tray with food placed on the table that could be turned over the bed but could also be turned away.

"Hey." Ryan said softly.

Eric looked up and smiled at him. Ryan's heartbeat sped up, because he hadn't seen that smile for months now, hadn't seen that smile ever since Eric had broken up with him. He resisted the urge to allow the smile he saved just for Eric to spread over his face. He couldn't allow his walls to crumble. He slowly approached the bed and sat down in one of the white, plastic chairs.

"Hey." Eric said and then motioned to the tray, wrinkling his nose. "Hospital food."

Ryan smiled tightly and nodded, his mouth dry and his hands folded together to stop from fidgeting.

Eric pushed the table with the tray away and then leaned back against the pillows, that smile back on his face. He could tell that Ryan was upset about something, but he figured it was because he was in the hospital. He reached out with one hand and Ryan, not knowing what else to do, took the hand in his own.

Eric's skin was hot against his own and it reminded Ryan how long it'd been since they'd touched each other. He swallowed passed the knot of longing in his throat and the iron ball of fear in his gut clenched.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked.

"I feel alright, considering," Eric said and he released a sad little chuckle. "But according to… Speed I'm missing a few memories. The doctor said I might get it all back in time, I might not. Some memories might come back really soon, some might stay away forever, there is really no telling. But there's hope."

Ryan nodded. "That's good."

"Yeah."

And then there was that smile again and Ryan really couldn't take it anymore. His emotions spun around inside of him, he couldn't deal with this. He had to know, had to ask, what if Eric didn't remember…? But he couldn't just ask, could he?

"Eric… do you remember…the wedding?"

Eric frowned. "What wedding?"

He couldn't remember Rowen's wedding, they'd broken up before the wedding. But that didn't mean anything right? Maybe Ryan was just jumping to conclusions. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him? But Ryan had to ask.

Ryan bit his lip. "Do you remember…. What do you remember, about us?"

"What?" Eric was looking completely confused now.

"About us. What do you remember about us?"

Eric was still frowning as he suddenly tightened his grip on Ryan's hand and Ryan could almost see the clogs turning inside the Russian Cuban's head. "We're… we're just… us, right? Together?"

Ryan swallowed, he couldn't believe this. Eric didn't remember that they'd broken up almost a year ago. Suddenly he couldn't stand the contact, couldn't stand the hand curled around his own. He slowly released Eric's hand, untangling his fingers from Eric's tight grasp and slowly shook his head. He couldn't bare the touch of Eric's skin against his.

"No, Eric, we… There is no us. We broke up about a year ago."

Eric stared at him, unable to move. "What? What are you talking about?"

Ryan averted his eyes, looking away from Eric's gaze that seemed to burn him to his core. God, he couldn't deal with this, he just couldn't. He rubbed his sweaty palms over his jeans. "I'm talking about the fact that we broke up."

Eric blinked and his jaw clenched. His hand was still suspending in the air, reaching across the space separating them to touch Ryan. "We broke up? How? Why?"

Ryan swallowed and looked down and without looking at Eric, how could he explain everything that had happened? How could he explain everything they had gone through? The pain, the regret, the anger,….How could he explain the events that had eventually forced them apart? How could he explain everything?

To Be Continued…


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Eric stared at the ceiling, he was tired, so very tired, but he couldn't sleep and he couldn't calm down his thoughts enough to allow him some form of peace. Everything Ryan had told him the previous day seemed to spin around inside his head. The younger man had been unable to look Eric in the eyes when he explained everything.

The sight of Ryan looking so unsure had rattled him. Sure, Ryan wasn't the most confident of individuals, except when he was on the job, but he wasn't so timid either. Eric had seen the hurt in Ryan's eyes, the pain in the slump of his shoulders. His own hurt had echoed Ryan's as he'd listened to the story, when he realized that he had been the one to end their relationship.

He closed his eyes. A part of him didn't understand. He couldn't remember anything like that happening. Erica had drugged Ryan and had sex with him. Ryan couldn't remember doing it, but she'd taped it and had send Eric and Ryan each a copy. Eric had left, had run to Speed's apartment, leaving Ryan behind.

When they'd figured everything out, Eric hadn't wanted to come back. According to Ryan Eric had been tired of fighting, had been tired of everything that had happened in their relationship to drive them apart. It was something Eric couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend. Yes, his relationship with Ryan was hectic and a lot of things had happened since they'd gotten together, but Eric had always felt that the good outweighed the bad.

His time with Ryan had always made up for everything they'd gone through, always. But Eric had walked out, just like he had the time Marisol was sick. Eric had simply…walked away from them. He'd packed up his stuff, moved to a new apartment and had asked Ryan to stay friends.

But that wasn't all! Oh no! Ryan had a daughter now, a little girl. Erica had gotten herself pregnant. Hadn't she taken any precautions, if she'd thought everything through, why hadn't she taken precautions? Ryan couldn't answer those questions, Erica had claimed that she hadn't thought about that risk.

Were Ryan and Erica getting married now?

Ryan had stared at him for five seconds before he'd frantically started shaking his head no. No, Ryan had forced Erica to carry the child full term, after the baby was born Erica had terminated her parental rights and Ryan would raise the child on his own.

She'd been born several weeks ago, her name was Aislin and if Ryan was to be believed she was very cute. Eric could see that he loved her.

Why had Ryan decided to raise the child on his own?

Ryan had always wanted children, whether through adoption or through a woman carrying his child for him, Ryan had wanted children. He'd just never found the right moment to mention it to Eric, so it had been an aspect in their relationship that had never been mentioned between the two of them.

Ryan had also filled him in on the wedding, actually, he'd told Eric about the wedding before he'd started explaining why he and Ryan… weren't he and Ryan anymore. So Rowen and Horatio had gotten married. Eric could vagualy remember Rowen with white lilies in her hair and a white dress with a blue ribbon wrapped around her torso, but the image was slightly hazy as if was trying to look at it through a smugged microscope

But for everything Ryan had explained to him, Eric still couldn't understand why he had broken it off with Ryan. Maybe it was because he couldn't remember seeing the tape. Or maybe it was because he was more distant from the situation now, because he hadn't experienced the thought of Ryan cheating on him? Or maybe it was because he couldn't remember the pain or the anguish, because he could only remember the love and the happiness his relationship with Ryan had brought him?

Whatever the reason, Eric couldn't remember it now and knowing that didn't soften the blow. The pain of knowing that he and Ryan were over had torn through him, had almost ripped him apart as he'd watched Ryan trying to hold the tears back. Ryan had looked so defeated.

He didn't know what to think about the entire situation. He loved Ryan, his emotions weren't any different, but of course they were based on his memories and he didn't know if he'd stopped loving Ryan or if he'd moved on, if there was someone else waiting for him at his apartment. He didn't know anything and what if he wouldn't be able to remember anything in the future? Would he always walk around with this huge gap in his life?

And if he didn't remember soon, how could he go on from here? He was missing over a year of his life! A whole year! And so much had changed in that year, so much. How could he just move on? What would he do with his life? What was he going to do?

"Hey Eric, how are you feeling?"

He opened his eyes at the question and turned his attention to Rowen, who was standing in the dooropening. His eyes widened at the sight of her. She was glowing and quite obviously pregnant. Ryan had mentioned something about her being pregnant, she was seven months along, right?

"I'm he confessed.

Rowen nodded and closed the door behind her before carefully sitting down in one of the chairs by his bed. She was looking at him with a serious expression on her face, something he wasn't altogether used to seeing.

"Ryan called me, he said that there was a lot you didn't remember, including you guys breaking up."

Her voice was soft and her tone was concerned. It wasn't her 'I'm concerned about Ryan so whatever you did, fix it' tone, it wasn't her 'Something's wrong with Ryan and if you did anything to him I'll kill you' tone. He hadn't heard this one before.

Eric immediately decided that he hated that tone, it reminded him of everything that was wrong. He sighed; "Yeah. It's… strange, for me. I don't remember…The last thing I remember between Ryan and I is that we were together, happy, after Calleigh had…"

He choked on his words and coughed. He couldn't say it.

Rowen laid her hand ontop of his and squeezed softly. "It's alright."

The swift and fierce stab of anger hit him out of nowhere. How dare she say it was alright? Couldn't she see that it wasn't alright? Nothing was alright. He was in the hospital, he'd been shot, he was missing parts of his memory.

"No, it's not! The first thing I thought about when I woke up and realized where I was, was seeing Ryan. And then he was here and he told me that we weren't together anymore and that I was the one who broke us up and … I don't want us to not be .. us!"

Somewhere during his tirade the anger was replaced in regret and sadness and sorrow. The feeling threatened to choke him now, curling around his heart and squeezing painfully. He wanted to scream and cry out, he wanted to lash out, but the sad wave of regret stole his energy.

He was painfully aware of the tears burning behind his eyes and the way his throat clogged up. His voice was teary and raw and his hands curled into fists by his side. He stubbornly turned his head away, looking out the window, determined to hide the pain. He only had himself to blame.

Rowen sighed softly and lifted the hand that had been resting on his now closed fist to smooth out a wrinkle in the bedsheet.

"I can't say I know how you're feeling, Eric, because I've never lost any memories, I've never lost a huge chunk of my life. All that I can tell you is that you were hurting when everything with Erica happened and you were tired of fighting, you were bleeding inside. I'm not telling you I approved of what you did, but I could understand to some extent."

Eric turned to look at her. She had a soft expression on his face, a mixture between caring and tenderness and compassion. Eric could understand why Ryan always reached out to her in his most difficult moments, why he always went to her for advice even if he pretended she shoved it down his unwilling throat.

"What should I do now? Just move on? I love him, Rowen, I love him more then anything. But what if my memories suddenly return and I remember all the reasons that I broke up with him, can I break his heart again?"

She closed her eyes, sighed and then opened them again. "Eric, before you decide to do anything you should think about this .You should wait until you have recovered at least a part of your memories. You need to try and get a clear picture in your head of everything that happened and how it relates to your future."

Eric sighed and leaned back into the pillows. The confusion and sorrow and anger swirled inside of him. But there wasn't any strength in him left. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He closed his eyes and could feel the warm touch of sleep tugging at him. He sighed. "That's easier said then done."

Rowen watched as he slowly succumbed to sleep and then sighed again, before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I know."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"So how is Eric doing? I didn't manage to go and see him today." Horatio asked, raising his eyebrow at his wife, who was eating from a tub of ice cream situated in her lap. Horatio was sitting back on one end of the couch and Rowen on the other.

Rowen shrugged, pulling the spoon from her mouth. "I went to go see him this morning. He's fine, a bit sick of being stuck in the hospital, he's been there for two weeks now. He says he feels fine and he wants to go home already. But he's still tired and he needs his rest. I don't think he'll be getting out so soon."

Horatio nodded and snatched a bit of her ice cream with his own spoon while she glared at him, not quick enough to stop him. He smirked at her.

"Anyway," she said, still glowering, "Eric was quite irritated when I went to see him, there is nothing for him to do but to lie back on his back and rest. He's sick of resting. He mentioned something about looking in to see when he could come back to work."

Horatio shrugged. "He'd have to do some tests and be confined to the lab for at least a couple of weeks according to protocol."

Rowen hesitated briefly, giving Horatio the chance to snatch another spoonfull of ice cream. She glared at him. "Hey! I'm the one that's pregnant here."

"And I'm the one that got you pregnant, don't I deserve a reward too?" Horatio asked, a michievous glint in his eyes.

She gave him a fake disapproving stare, forcing down the smile that wanted to crawl unto her face. "Rapaciousness doesn't suit you."

"Rapaciousness?" Horatio asked.

"Rapacsiousness, you know, from rapaciously?" She huffed and took a bite of ice cream. "Never mind that now. I think something is bothering him, something besides being stuck in the hospital I mean."

"He had this far away look in his eyes, as if he was thinking about something. I've asked but he won't tell me. But that doesn't mean I don't think what's going on of course. I think he's mad that Ryan won't answer any of his phonecalls and hasn't gone to see him since ever Eric woke up."

Horatio frowned thoughtfully. "Eric has been calling Ryan?"

"Yeah, Eric asked me the other day if Ryan changed his number while he's been in the hospital or if Ryan'd changed his number before Eric got in the hospital but he simply doesn't remember. I told him Ryan hadn't changed his number as far as I knew and I asked him why. He said that he'd tried calling Ryan a couple of times, but that Ryan was probably just busy."

"I swiped Ryan's cell phone this afternoon when I went to go and check up on him…I looked up the list call list and Eric has been calling Ryan quite a lot lately. Eric's also been leaving behind messages but from what I gathered from Eric's question Ryan hasn't been calling him back to answer any of the messages."

"And Ryan hasn't gone to see him once?"

Rowen shook her head. "He hasn't. I think it's because it's too difficult for Ryan to go back and see Eric while he knows that Eric doesn't remember anything. He's afraid of what it could do to the defenses he's built up around his heart, defenses that were made because of Eric and what happened in their relationship."

"Ryan has been focusing a lot on Aislin lately, trying not to think about it. I'm glad he's spending so much time with his daughter and I'm glad that he's happy with her, but there is something missing in his life, I know there is. He acts like he's fine, but that's all it is, an act."

Horaito raised an eyebrow at her. "You're not going to try to get them back together, are you?"

Rowen glowered at him, but Horatio ignored the look on her face and kept talking, "I know you think that they're perfect for each other and I agree, they're good for each other. But with everything that's happened… sometimes the best thing to do is to simply let go. They loved each other, they probably still love each other. But that doesn't change the facts that some pretty bad things happened, Rowen."

"I know!" she snapped, but Horatio didn't look fazed. Annoyed at herself for snapping Rowen rubbed his calf with her foot in a silent apology.

"I know that they went through rough times, Horatio. But… I don't know. I hate seeing them unhappy and they are unhappy when they're not together. I know that Eric not remembering their break up isn't a solution because like it or not they're still not together anymore. But…If I could just get them to talk to each other…"

"They should talk," Horatio mussed, "but I'm not sure if it's going to make everything better. They've got a lot to work through. Eric doesn't remember how he felt when he found out, when he watched the tape for the first time, when he thought that Ryan had cheated on him with Erica. He doesn't remember, so what if he goes back to Ryan and they get involved again and they're a family with Aislin."

"That would be a good thing, but Rowen… What if Eric woke up one day and rememberd how he felt, what he felt. What if he woke up remembering why he broke up with Ryan, why he decided to walk away. And what if he decided that he couldn't be with Ryan anymore? That would break Ryan's heart all over again and what would that do to Aislin if her 'parents' would break up? There's a lot at stake here."

Rowen sighed and leaned back. "I know, but I hate this. I hate seeing Ryan so down and I hate seeing Eric so desperately unsure of how to handle everything. He's usually so sure of himself. But he doesn't know what he wants… well he knows what he wants, he wants Ryan, but he doesn't know if that's the best thing to go after in this situation."

Horatio nodded and Rowen sighed leaning back in her seat. "Alright, I'm letting go, for now, I'm thinking too much about this anyway. I need to focus on more… urgent things." Her hand was absentmindedly stroking over her belly.

Horatio grinned and stole another spoon of ice cream. Rowen swatted at him, a playful smile hidden behind her hands.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Ryan smiled as he carefully laid Aislin down in the crib, she yawned softly and he smiled as her eyelids fluttered close. She'd been nodding off to sleep for several moments now and Ryan had decided to put her to bed.

He stood and stretched. It was the start of the second month into his vacation time. He had offered Horatio to stay at the lab and take his vacation time another time, because of Eric in the hospital they were short one CSI. But Horatio had said that he, Sarah, who had returned from her holiday, and Speed would take care of things and that if it was really necessary he'd transfer some cases to night shift.

Ryan had objected, but Horatio had been adament. The older man had told Ryan with a stern expression on his face that Ryan deserved his time off and that he should spend some time with his daughter. Ryan had given in and hadn't made another appereance at the crime lab.

At the same time he hadn't gone to see Eric either and every time the Cuban called him, he hadn't been able to force himself to pick up the phone. It had been too painful, too raw. Eric couldn't remember anything about their break up and Ryan couldn't deal with that; He didn't want to think about what Eric might be feeling. He didn't want to be confronted by the events of the past by having to explain to him. It was just too painful for Ryan.

He had forced himself to leave it behind, to move beyond, to forget about everything and to go on with his life. He couldn't stand to drag everything out in the open again, back into the forefront of his mind. He couldn't stand the thought.

That one time with Eric in the hospital room, when Eric had smiled at him and had held his hand and had thought that they were still together… that one time had almost broken down all the defenses he'd built around his heart. It had taken everything he had to explain what had happened with the drinks, and the cellphone, and the drugs and the tapes.

He'd stayed until he'd thought he'd pass out and had quickly left, saying that he still needed to get to the crimelab. Eric had nodded and Ryan had felt the Russian Cuban's gaze burning in his back even after the door had shut behind him. He hadn't had the courage, the strength, the nerve to go back after that.

Rowen had gone to see Eric a couple of times, but she never mentioned anything and sometimes, when she came over he caught her looking at him with a calculating look in her eyes. It was downright terrifying.

Rowen was about eight months along now, a few more weeks and the twins would be born. She'd already asked Ryan to be the godfather to one of her sons and she'd mentioned that she'd asked Eric to be the godfather for the other one. Yelina was going to be the godmother for one and Alexx the godmother of another.

Ryan had asked whether she and Horatio had considered any names yet. Rowen had shrugged and said that they were still thinking about it. There was one name they had both agreed on already, but they still needed one more.

He'd asked if she wanted more children after she'd had the twins and she'd grinned at him and said: "Of course I want more children! Two is hardly a number to get exited about. I'm thinking about at least three more."

Ryan had promptly chocked on his ice cream, he'd given her a look and then asked: "Does Horatio know about you wanting five children?"

Rowen had shrugged, taking a bite out of her sundae. "He knows I want more kids then the twins, but I haven't elaborated on how many yet. Of course, I'm open to negotiating if Horatio really thinks it's too many. But I have a feeling he won't mind. He loves seeing me pregnant, you know." She'd given him an exaggerated wink.

Ryan chuckled softly at the memory and turned around, softly closing the door of the nursery behind him after turning on the baby monitor. He checked his watch and smiled when he heard the doorbell ring through the house. "Right on time," he murmured to himself.

He opened the front door and smiled pleasantly at the woman standing across from him. Erica glared at him angrily and her mouth curled into a grimace. The young woman wasn't looking too good, Ryan reflected. Her hair was greasy and bound into a messy ponytail. She was having some trouble getting rid of her baby weight and she wasn't all too happy about it.

"Hello Erica, how nice to see you." Ryan said, his voice suggary sweet.

He hated Erica, there was no mistake about that. But it seemed that she thought he'd ruined her life by forcing her to carry the baby and every time he was being polite to her, her anger at him seemed to multiply ten fold.

He absolutely relished the sight of her face contorted in anger, a dark part of him wanted her to be angry, to be hurt, to wallow in despair and pain. She'd ruined his life and the only thing he'd been able to do was to pick up the shattered pieces and move on as best as he could.

Erica snarled at him and pushed the small bag she'd been holding in her left hand at his chest. He easily caught it and smiled. She was bringing him a small supply of bottled breastmilk she provided for him and would provide for him for another four months at least, as a part of their arrangment. After that, he'd never have to see her again.

"I'll bring some more over the day after tomorrow, alright?" She asked, her voice coloured with her anger.

Ryan nodded and looked at her for a minute. "Do you want to see Aislin?"

He didn't know why he was asking her, maybe a part of him was curious, didn't she want to see her own child?

Erica frowned, "Aislin?"

Ryan gave her a dirty look. "Yes, your daughter Aislin, the reason you're bringing me these." And he held up the bottles.

Erica gave him a look of disgust. "No."

And with that she turned around and walked away. Ryan watched her leave. He hoped that when Aislin was older Erica wouldn't react like that if Aislin came looking for her. He shrugged to himself, there was really nothing he could do about that now and he wasn't going to waste time worrying about it.

Ryan would still have loads of years left before he needed to explain to Aislin what had transpired between her mother and himself. A part of him hoped however that the day would never come. He loved Aislin, even if she hadn't been conceived with love. He loved his daughter and that was all that mattered.

The doorbell rang again and Ryan quickly deposited the bag he was still holding on the kitchen table before hurrying back to the front door. It was probably Rowen, coming to talk to him.

He opened the door and froze, his heart stopped beating and he couldn't get any air into his lungs.

"Eric…"

To Be Continued…


	15. Chapter 15

Chapters 15

They were seated across from each other at the kitchen table, two cups of hot coffee seperating them, giving them something to look at and something to hold on to. Ryan was not looking at Eric, while Eric kept trying to sneak glances at Ryan. Neither of them were talking.

Finally, Eric couldn't take the silence anymore. "It's been a while."

Ryan's head shot up at the sound of Eric's voice and he slowly nodded. "Yeah, I'm … I'm sorry I didn't come to see you in the hospital."

"Why didn't you?"

Ryan looked slightly uncomfortable. "I…I… I couldn't bring myself to come, when you didn't remember."

Eric shifted in his seat. He'd been released from the hospital for about a week and when he'd woken up that morning and decided that today was the day he was going to see Ryan, he hadn't really stopped to consider what he was going to say. He looked at Ryan, who looked nervous and scared and fierce and defiant and beautiful and everything Eric wanted.

He looked back into his coffee. "I still don't remember and I don't know how to feel about this."

Ryan released something between a snort and a cough. "You're not the only one."

Eric sighed and looked up again at Ryan, who was the one looking into his coffee now, as if it was holding all the answers he needed. One of Ryan's hands was holding the handle of the coffee cup and the other one was lying flat on the table. Eric had to fight with everything he had to not reach out for that hand and take it in his own.

"I love you, Ryan," he blurted out the words and swallowed, "I can't remember feeling angry with you or this despair I must have felt to walk away from you… I only remember loving you and it hurts to know that I fucked everything up, without even remembering why."

Ryan didn't say anything, only gripped the handle of his coffe cup harder.

"I'm sorry for everything I did." Eric said, "I'm sorry about walking away."

"That's easy for you to say now!" Ryan snapped, "you don't remember anything about what happened so it's easy for you to say you're sorry! I loved you and you just walked out, you just refused to keep fighting for us. You left me for something I had absolutely no control over!"

Ryan was tempted to start shouting, but the thought of Aislin sleeping upstairs made him keep his voice to a furious whisper, afraid that if he allowed himself to raise his voice he'd really start shouting.

Eric felt like he'd just been slapped in the face. He'd heard from Speed that he and Ryan often acted as if they'd never had a relationship at all. He hadn't realized how hurt Ryan had been over everything, how hurt he still was, how angry. Knowing Ryan he'd probably shoved it all away and refused to think about, forced himself to move on with his life.

And here Eric was, throwing it all back in his face.

Eric looked down and took a deep breath. "I suppose it is easy for me to say it and I know I walked away from you when you needed me the most. There is nothing I could do or say that would make you feel better, that would make any of us feel better. I fucked up Ryan and I'm sorry."

Ryan looked at him and slowly nodded, the anger draining out of him. What was done was done and it couldn't be undone. He'd moved past it a long time ago, he'd moved on. He gave Eric a small smile. "Alright, thank you for telling me."

Eric blinked, that was it? Ryan wasn't going to be angry anymore? One little outburst and then alright and thank you? That was going to be it?

A sudden cry from the baby monitor on the counter startled Ryan and he stood. The wailing continued and Ryan smiled at Eric. "I have to go look at Aislin, I'll be back. Just wait here for a minute." And he left.

Through the baby monitor Eric could hear Ryan open the door and enter the nursery. He could hear Ryan softly cooing and murmuring Aislin's name and he heard the little girl calm down and slowly stop crying.

Not knowing why Eric stood from his seat and made his way out of the kitchen. He moved through the hallway and went up the stairs. He walked to the nursery and peered in from the open doorway.

Ryan was holding Aislin in his arms, carefully supporting her. The small infant was still making small hiccophing noises and Ryan was still cooing at her. From this angle Eric could see the tender smile on Ryan's face and the way his eyes had softened while he gazed at his daughter.

Eric couldn't stop the smile forming on his own face as he watched Ryan. It was obvious the young man was going to be an excellent father, loving and doting on his daughter.

Ryan was still smiling softly as he spoke. "Hey, why are you awake, huh? Don't you wanna go back to sleep? You do need your sleep, Aislin."

Eric's smile broadened. Ryan was so soft, so gentle with her. He was so beautiful and strong. He turned around fully and noticed Eric standing there. His smile widened briefly and something strange flittered over his face. "Do you want to hold her?"

Eric's eyes widened in shock before he quickly nodded. He stopped closer and took her from Ryan's arms carefully, suddenly deathly afraid that he'd drop her. She stared up at him, her blue eyes wide. The patch of dark hair on her head was soft and downy and her skin was smooth.

She gurgled happily and one of her tiny hands curled around his fingers, holding on with a surprisingly strong grip. Eric smiled down at her, feeling the weight of her small form in his arms. She was beautiful, utterly beautiful.

He looked up at Ryan and was surprised to see something close to tears in Ryan's eyes. The young man quickly looked away and Eric felt a pang in his chest. He wanted this, God he wanted this.

He wanted Ryan and he wanted Aislin. He wanted to watch her grow up, wanted to help Ryan raise her. He wanted to be a part of this, of this small family. He wanted to be a part of it so badly it became a physical ache in his chest. And he could tell that Ryan wanted him there too.

But even so, how could they move on from this together? How could Eric, with all his missing memories reforge his bond with Ryan when he wasn't even sure that the resurfing of those memories wouldn't rip them apart again?

To Be Continued…


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"He came to see me yesterday, I was so surprised. I invited him inside, offered him some coffee. He still can't remember. Aislin started crying and I went up to comfort her and Eric…"

"It was torture, watching him holding her… I hadn't really thought about it…I still don't know why I asked him if he wanted to hold her." Ryan said, staring at the glass of orange juice in front of him.

Rowen didn't answer, merely continued holding his hand. Ryan sighed and dropped his forehead unto the kitchen counter with a loud 'thunk'. "This is insane! I've managed fine without him ever since we broke up and now, I see him holding Aislin for a brief moment and suddenly everything comes rushing back!"

"I can't stand this, I can't stand myself. I can't stand this hopping to and fro with being together and… So much has happened and so much keeps happening… I feel like my life is a damn soap opera! I mean, how many people do you know who've led the life I have? Who've had to go through the things I had to go through?"

"I'm just so sick of everything happening, I just want things to quiet down and have a normal and peaceful life. Is that so much to ask for? I've had enough strange events and 'exiting' things happen to me for two life times. I just want a peaceful life with Aislin."

"And Eric." Rowen said, grinning.

Ryan swatted lightly at her. "I'm pouring my heart out here, I don't feel like dealing with your commentary right now."

Rowen shrugged and gave him a half-smile. Ryan sighed and groaned. Why was everything always such a mess? Why couldn't he just have a simple life for once? Why couldn't things be normal? Why couldn't all the weird things happen to someone else?

"You know what I think you should do?" Rowen asked. "I think you should think very deeply about what you want and then talk to Eric about it and find out what he wants. You can't solve this any other way, you're in a stalemate right now. You're stuck, you need to find a way to move forward."

Ryan snorted. "We are moving forward! We've broken up and we've moved on with our lives, what else is there to decide anyway?"

She gave a sharp glare causing him to avoid her gaze and once again resume staring at the glass of orange juice in front of him. "You know what you have to decide. Eric is as unsure about what is going on between the two of you as you are. You should talk to him, you know that."

Ryan sighed and grabbed the glace orangejuice, swallowing it down in one big gulp. "No! I'm not going to talk to him! If he wants to talk he should come and talk to me. I'm going to move on without him and that's final!"

Rowen regarded him carefully, her eyes calculating and then shrugged. "If that's the way you want to play this Ryan, fine by me. But think about it… do you really want to spend your whole life wondering what if? What if you had let Eric back in your life? What if you had gone to talk to Eric?"

Ryan glared at her. "Thank you so much for the pep talk!"

They glared at each other, both feeling justified and cranky, especially Rowen who was pretty high strung with the pregnancy and a husband who seemed to have suddenly grown far more protective then she ever thought a man could possibly get and two babies due any minute.

Finally Ryan sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm just so… I don't know. A part of me is frustrated, another part of me is hopeful that Eric and I will work through everything and get together again while another part of me just wants to forget everything that happened and move on. Don't I have the right to move on?"

Rowen gave him a small smile. "Of course you have the right to move on, but that doesn't mean that moving on is such a good idea."

"But what else can I do? Wait on Eric forever?"

Rowen narrowed her eyes at him. "Ryan, how long have you and Eric been 'just friends' now?"

"Little more then a year … Aislin is about four months old and we broke up almost immediately after Erica got pregnant so that's nine months plus four months, is one year and one month."

Rowen nodded. "And in all that time, no one else has caught your interest?"

He glared at her. "I just haven't met anyone new and I've been busy! I mean I've been going to doctor appointments with Erica, I've been working and after Erica got the baby I've been taking care of Aislin."

She nodded solenmnly. "I know Ryan, but think about it… it's been a year and you're still in love with him… Maybe Eric's the one for you, the one and only."

Ryan looked down at his hands. "You need more then love to keep a relationship going and Eric and I…"

"I know Ryan, but can't you try again?"

"No, I cannot just try again! I have Aislin to think about here. What if she gets to know Eric as a second father and then all of a sudden, Eric remembers that night and he breaks up with me again because he can't stand the thought of being with me any longer? What happens when she has to say goodbye to him? I can't put her through that knowing that I can avoid it."

"Not all kids have a difficult time with their …parents getting a divorce, sort of speak."

"But that's no reason to not try and make sure that 'a divorce' doesn't happen. Some kids get really broken hearted about it all. I don't want Aislin to go through anything like that. She's going to have a hard time enough as it is if she starts asking me about Erica and why she doesn't have a mom."

Ryan sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. "I just can't risk it, knowing that Eric doesn't remember the reason why we broke up, doesn't remember the break up itself, I just can't risk it."

To Be Continued…


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Eric looked around his apartment, the one he'd gotten after he'd moved out of the house where Ryan and he had been living in. The apartment he didn't even remember getting. It looked fine and it was something he would buy if he were a bachelor… and how pathetic was it that he needed to remind himself of that fact every time?

He couldn't remember breaking up with Ryan and that was the most painful of all. He knew that his relationship with Ryan was over, but he couldn't seem to really get it into his skull. To him, they'd never said goodbye to each other, they'd never really breaken up, he hadn't experienced those emotions.

He'd been let out of the hospital about a week ago. Finally, after almost four weeks lying in that hospitalbed with nothing to do except for looking out of the window and allowing his mind to run away with him. Alone with his mind that whisked him away into fantasies where he and Ryan were still he and Ryan.

He'd gone to talk to Ryan about three days ago and he hadn't been able to ask Ryan if they could try again because he'd known just by looking at Ryan's face that Ryan would say no and Eric wouldn't have been able to take the rejection. But it was the truth, as long as Eric didn't remember he wouldn't be able to convince Ryan to give their relationship another shot, especially not with Aislin.

He sighed to clear his mind of the thought. According to the doctors he still needed to rest a lot and he was on indifinite leave at the lab. He needed to familiarize himself with the life he'd led before he'd lost his memories. After finishing the snack he'd been making himself he went into his living room.

He'd been looking through all his closets and cupboards and been riffling through all his papers and all his junk, trying to find some clues to stitch his life back together. He'd slowly started remembering things.

He remembered chasing Speed at a crime scene when he'd first found out that the older man was still alive. He remembered Speed kissing him and then talking it out at a bar they'd frequented. He remembered Ryan going to Vegas for a case and finding out that Rowen and Horatio had a thing going on. He remembered Rowen's announcement that she was going to marry Horatio.

They weren't really sequences of memories, more like small bits and pieces from which he could piece the meaning back together. He could remember Ryan going to Las Vegas because he could remember picking him up at the airport. He could remember that Rowen and Horatio had a thing going on because he could remember her telling him while they were getting coffee.

But his other memories seemed elusive, however the fact that he was remembering more as days went by assured him that all his memories would come back with time. It would all come back in time, he just needed to keep searching, to keep working on his life, but everything would come back to him in the end.

But right now he wanted, needed, a break, a nice movie should do it, he decided. He'd watch a movie he'd seen hundreds of times before and just relax with the knowledge of what had happened and what was going to happen, in the movie that is.

There was a small cabinet beneath the tv and he opened it to see what movie he would decide to watch. After routing around for a couple of minutes a black, unmarked tape caught his eyes. He frowned at it and then decided to ignore it. He didn't know what it was, he didn't remember it, which meant that it was a part of his lost memories and he did not need to be reminded of that right now.

It was probably some dumb home movie that he and Ryan had made. He snorted to himself, as if he'd ever make some home movie, as if he could ever convince Ryan to be on a home video. He chuckled to himself and kept looking through his DVD's.

After about five minutes however, his eyes slid back to the unmarked black tape, his curiosity growing inside of him. But curiosity killed the cat, didn't it? He should just forget about it, should just ignore it, watch it some other time, when he had a firmer grip on his emotions, when he wasn't so unstable. What if it contained something that Eric wouldn't like seeing?

He shook his head at himself and continued searching through his movies. However, after ten minutes he realized that nothing caught his eye and that he kept looking back at the unmarked tape. He glared at it, damn that thing for being there anyway! He growled at it and then turned his back, he might read a book or something, or read a science journal, find out things that had been discovered while he'd been out of it.

He didn't feel much like reading though, he just wanted to watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch during it and then wake up all stiff and cramped… ah bliss! If only he could find something to watch… he could always take a bath though. A bath was nice and relaxing, but he'd already showered that morning and he didn't feel much for getting himself wet again.

He could go swimming… again with the wet problem. He could go running, but he wasn't really up for the physical exercise… Besides, he'd be all sweaty afterwards and he'd have to shower again.

He turned back to the unmarked tape and gritted his teeth. Fine! It was going to haunt his mind until he watched it anyway, the curiosity was already biting away at him, gnawing on him. Why hadn't he marked the tape? If it was just some movie he'd taped then he would have marked it.

He might not be as OCD as Ryan, but he liked to know the stuff he had around his apartment. He must have asumed that he'd never forget whatever was on the tape. He snorted to himself, guess he showed himself.

He grabbed the tape and popped it into the VCR. He turned on the TV and hit play. He sat back and watched. In hindsight he probably should have realized what the tape was, from Ryan's story he should have realized that he had an unmarked tape lying around the house. But he hadn't given it a second's thoughts, he'd probably thought that he'd thrown it away or something.

When he watched the images of Ryan laughing and smiling, moaning as Erica rocked above him, a horrible feeling clutched his stomach. He swallowed, a part of him screaming to turn it off, to hide it away and never look at it again. But he couldn't turn his eyes away, couldn't move to turn it off.

He watched it, his heart hammering and his mind screaming and unable to blink in case he missed something. This was why he'd broken it off with Ryan, this was why he'd walked away and had never looked back. This was the whole reason, laid out in front of him…

And then, as if pushed over the edge by the visions in front of him, memories exploded behind his eyes.

To Be Continued…


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Ryan sighed and snuggled further into the bed, he simply needed a couple more minutes of sleep. Aislin had woken in the middle of the night, waking Ryan up through the baby monitor standing on the nightstand and had blatantly refused to go back to sleep and had continued to wail until a weak light filled the sky, indicating that morning was fast approaching. Only then she'd fallen asleep and had allowed Ryan go to sleep as well.

It was around noon now, but not even Ryan's OCD had managed to get him out of bed yet and Aislin hadn't woken up yet, still sleeping peacefully after he'd given her another bottle before she'd fallen asleep.

But slowly his mind started pushing at him, pulling at him, telling him to get out of bed and do something. His body had gotten enough rest, so what was he doing still laying around in bed for? He needed to get up! Get up!

He groaned and threw off the comforter, realizing that his lovely sleepy time had just gone out the window. With another groan he forced himself out of the bed and walked towards the bathroom. He stood underneath a cold spray for five minutes in order to wake him up properly before turning the knob so the water would turn warm.

After scrubbing and washing himself thoroughly he stepped out of the shower and wound a towel around his waist. He grabbed another one to rub his hair dry and when he pulled it away his hair was sticking it out in all directions. He quickly brushed his teeth and went back to the bedroom.

He opened his wardrobe and picked out a pair of jeans along with a dove grey t-shirt. He grabbed a pair of socks and then pulled on some old and comfortable sneakers. He quickly checked in on Aislin before going downstairs and making something to eat. He put two bagels in the toaster and pulled out some cheese from the fridge.

He decided that today he would clean the living room and then get started on some laundry. He still needed to fold some laundry from yesterday, so he could do that while he waited for the washer to do its thing. Of course, if Aislin woke up he'd have to alter his plans a little, but he hoped she'd stay asleep for at least another hour or so, that way he could do the laundry first.

He'd be alerted when Aislin woke up through the baby monitors, he had several stashed around the house, all tuned in on the one standing in Aislin's room. He thought it was better that way then having to take the same baby monitor with him everywhere he went.

He quickly ate the bagel with the cheese along with a cup of coffee. He cleaned up all the things he'd used and had just started making his way to the basement, where the washer and the dryer were, when the doorbell rang.

He sighed and went to open the door. He hoped that whoever it was wouldn't stay long or he'd never get started on the laundry by the time Aislin woke up. This was why you were supposed to be with two when you had a baby. One could look after said baby and the other one could do all the domestic things.

He opened the door and his mouth fell open slightly in surprise. Eric was standing in front of him, looking decidedly haggard and worn. There were dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't been able to sleep and his clothes were rumpled and slightly mismatched. Ryan blinked a couple of times at the sight in front of him and then closed his mouth.

Eric fidgeted in his place, as if he was nervous. But Ryan couldn't recall any reason why Eric should be nervous, nor could he remember anything that had transpired openly between them to make Eric nervous. He wondered why Eric looked so out of it, and realized that a small bubble of concern had welled up inside of him.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Eric shrugged. "I suppose that depends on your defnition on alright. Can I come in?"

Ryan nodded and opened the door wider, stepping back at the same time, making enough room for Eric to enter the house. Eric gave him a wobbly smile and stepped inside. Ryan closed the door behind him and then led Eric back to the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything?" Ryan asked, pointing at a chair for Eric to sit in.

Eric sat down and shrugged. "Eum, some coffee would be nice."

Ryan nodded. "Sure."

He busied himself with making coffee, not looking at Eric and keeping his back turned. After the coffee was done he grabbed two cups and filled them with the hot, steaming liquid. He added a sugar to his own and without thinking, added cream to Eric's, knowing what Eric preferred.

He finally turned around again and set the cups down on the kitchen table, taking the seat in front of Eric. This position reminded him of the latest conversation they'd had in this very same kitchen. He took a sip of the liquid, nearly burning his tongue and waited for Eric to start talking.

'I eum… I saw the tape." Eric said slowly, carefully.

Ryan froze.

He didn't need any clarification on which tape Eric had seen that would drive him to come and talk to him. Ryan had kept the tape of him and Erica, not wanting to throw it away in case anyone found it. He'd hid it away in the basement, he was still deciding on the best way to destroy it. It seemed that Eric hadn't thrown away his own tape either.

Ryan didn't say anything, not knowing what to say. What did Eric seeing the tape mean anyway?

Eric shifted in his seat; "I… I remember now."

"Remember?" Ryan's voice was hoarse.

Eric nodded. "I remember… I think I remember everything, everything you told me at least…"

"Just like that?" Ryan asked.

Eric shrugged. "I think the tape triggered something in my head, I'm not sure. I mean, it must have, because… how could I suddenly remember otherwise?"

Ryan nodded. "How do you feel about it?"

There was silence for a while and Eric hesitated, as if he was carefully considering his words. "It feels strange, I remember everything that happened but I also remember… not remembering what happened, you know what I mean? I've experienced what it feels like to not remember and… I've experienced what it feels like to be… removed from the situation."

Ryan frowned, that didn't really explain anything, did it?

Eric sighed, correctly interpreting the frown on Ryan's face. "It's like… I can remember evertthing that happened, but I can also remember what it felt like when I didn't remember, when I could only feel the pain of loosing you, when I could feel the love I still had for you even if we weren't together anymore."

"I still love you Ryan," Eric said, reaching out and covering Ryan's hand with his own. "I want to be with you."

Ryan stared at him, his eyes cloudy and so many different emotions flitting over his face that Eric couldn't determine what Ryan was feeling or thinking. He could only wait with bated breath at what would come, a rejection… or acceptence?

Finally, Ryan sighed, his shoulders relaxed slightly and he shook his head, but he didn't pull his hand away. "It's not that easy Eric. I have to think about Aislin, what if you walk out again? I mean, she's going to love you like a father, what do we do when you leave again?"

Eric tried to contain the glee he felt at the fact that Ryan only mentioned Aislin, but that he didn't deny his own feelings or state that he simply didn't want to and if Ryan didn't want to, he'd simply say so. The glee was bright enough to overshadow the slight hurt that Ryan said "when you leave again" as if it was a given that he would.

"When I leave again? Ryan, we can't just assume that it's not going to work out, maybe… I mean, what if this was the last hurtle to overcome so we could finally be together? And, it's not as if any relationship is without a risk, there is always a risk of it not working out, does that mean you are going to stay celebate for the rest of your life?" Eric asked, a touch of desperation in his voice.

Ryan frowned. "I suppose you're right, every relationship has a risk… Maybe it would be best if I stopped dating until Aislin is older."

Eric blinked. "No! That wasn't my point! My point was that any relationship has a risk, so why not give ours another chance!"

Ryan's frown smoothed out. "Eric, there is a lot of history in our relationship. That could contribute to our relationship not working out."

"That same history could make us stronger. Anything that doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, right?"

A slow smile crept over Ryan's face. "I suppose that's true." He was about to say more, but at that moment the telephone rang.

Ryan swore and quickly went to pick it up. "Hello?...What? No, I'll… I'll be right there. I'll bring Eric and I'll drop off Aislin at my uncle Ron's… Okay, see you then, bye!"

Eric stood. "What's going on?"

Ryan sighed and put down the phone. "Rowen's in labour."

To Be Continued…

AN: you all hate me now don't ya?


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

With a soft smile on her face Rowen looked at her husband. He was holding one of their sons in his arms, looking down on the small baby boy with a look of absolute astonishment on his face. She resisted the urge to giggle and instead looked down at the baby she was holding in her arms, her other son.

After eleven hours of labour they were finally in her arms, her babies, her children. They were so beautiful and so perfect, it completely made up for all the pain she'd been in during her delivery. She couldn't stop smiling and carefully shifted the little bundle of joy in her arms.

Both of them had a small patch of red hair on their head and she'd absolutely squeeled in delight when she'd recognized the colour for the first time. She'd gleefully pointed it out to Horatio who'd merely shaken his head at her reaction. The baby in her arms made a small, slightly disgruntled sound and Rowen smiled and cooed at him.

She shifted the bundle in her arms carefully. "Sssshhh, it's alright."

"Is it okay if we come in?"

Rowen looked up and smiled when she saw Eric and Ryan standing in the doorway, side by side. She nodded and they stepped forward, Ryan immediately going to Rowen's side while Eric hung back and peeped at the baby Horatio was holding.

Horatio smiled proudly. "Eric, meet Raymond," he indicated the baby he was holding, "and Alexander," he nodded at the baby his wife was holding.

"Ray and Lex." She said, rocking the baby in her arms for a minute.

She smiled at Ryan, who was answering her smile with one of his own. She stole a glance at Eric, who was grinning at Horatio, who didn't seem to notice as he gazed at one of his sons. Raymond was called after Horatio's brother, who'd died and left behind a wife and son. Alexander was called after Rowen's grandfather, who'd urged her to go into medicine and had been the only member of her family she'd been close too before he died.

Horatio smiled at his wife as she made a series of gurgling noises and his smile turned into a grin when Lex answered with another series of gurgling noises. Rowen grinned widely. "This is a smart one, we're communicating already and he's only a couple of hours old!"

Ray released a cry followed by his own series of gurgling noises. Horatio shook his head. "Looks like Ray doesn't want to be left out."

Ryan chuckled and then softly kissed Rowen's forehead. "Congratulations, mommy." He straightened and grinned at Horatio. "Congratulations to you too H."

Eric grinned and nodded. "So, which one of the two miracles is my godson?"

Rowen laughed. "You're Raymond's your godson, along with Yelina's godchild. Lex here is Ryan's godson, along with Alexx' godson. Now honey, lets switch, I want to hold my other son."

Horatio grinned and they carefully switched babies so that Horatio was holding Lex and Rowen was holding Ray. Rowen smiled at her husband. "They look just like you, with red hair and everything."

Horatio grinned and leaned towards Eric. "She loves the red hair," he stage-whispered.

Eric grinned but Rowen ignored them, instead turning to Ryan and proudly presenting her son. "You know, I wonder if all of them will have red hair." Rowen said.

Horatio turned to his wife. "What? What do you mean with 'all of them'?"

She blinked. "Well we're not having just two."

Horatio seemed to struggle with something for a minute before he frowned again. "How many more do you actually plan on having?"

Rowen shot a quick glance at Ryan, who was hiding his grin by keeping his face turned away from Horatio and turned towards Ray. "I was planning on at least three more."

Eric couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Horatio look so stunned.

'Three?" The older man asked. "Did you say three?"

Rowen gave him a look. "Yes, three, I know you're not deaf."

Horatio shook his head in disbelief. "That makes… five."

"Yes, five, five children. There's nothing wrong with five children."

Ryan shot Eric a glance and then looked pointedly at the door. If the couple was going to have an argument he didn't want to be a witness. Rowen and Horatio were two of the most forceful people he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, but he didn't want to see the force they'd create when they clashed.

"I just… you never mentioned five before!"

Eric seemed to understand and share his sentiments, because he gave Horatio a pat on the back and then promptly left for the door. Ryan gave Rowen a quick peck on the cheek and then left as well, closing the door securely behind him.

"Well you never asked how many I wanted!" was the last thing they heard when the door closed behind them.

They stood in hallway together, smiling and grinning and then Ryan laughed. "Rowen told me about the whole five children bit, but I'd assumed that she'd tell Horatio about it before they had the twins."

Eric shook his heads. "Damn, five kids, that's a lot of diapers."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "You are so…"

"So what?" Eric asked with a smirk.

Ryan chuckled and shook his head, smiling. "Never mind."

Eric smiled softly, something blazing in his eyes and Ryan's heart sped up. Eric didn't know if it was just the adrenaline with the amount of stress they'd been handling in the last eleven hours, or if the giddy feelings Horatio and Rowen had inspired in him were messing with his head but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He reached out with one hand and grasped the back of Ryan's neck, pulling him closer. Slowly, giving the younger man enough time to pull away, he leaned down and kissed him.

Ryan gasped, a sharp intake of breath as his muscles tensed, but he didn't pull away. Eric wrapped his arms around Ryan's frame, holding the slender body close to his and slowly deepening the kiss. With a small sigh Ryan opened his mouth and allowed his muscles to relax as he melted into Eric's arms.

Soon Eric's fingers were tangled in Ryan's hair and Ryan was clutching Eric's shoulders for all he was worth. Finally, when the need to breath became too much Ryan pulled away. "We shouldn't be doing this." Ryan whispered.

"Why? Because we're supposed to have broken up?" Eric asked, also whispering.

Ryan shook his head. "No, this is a hospital."

Eric smiled. "So, what do you say, you wanna try again?"

Ryan sighed and leaned his forehead against Eric's. No matter what relationship he would go into, there would always be a chance of it not working out. But they had a lot of baggage and Ryan loved Eric so much, he wasn't sure if the older man had any idea of how much power Eric had over him, how badly Eric could hurt him. And then there was Aislin to consider, he couldn't just jump into a relationship and damn the consequences, he had a daughter to look after.

"I'm a father now, I have responsibilities." Ryan whispered.

Eric nodded. "I know that and I want to help you shoulder those responsibilities, I want to be there for Aislin, I … I've never thought about having kids but… I want to do this with you and it seems so perfect now."

Ryan bit his lip. "We can't just jump into this, we have to take it slow, get to know each other again. It's been a long time since we've been apart and Eric… if things don't go the way we like them to, you can't just walk away. If we do this then it's going to take a lot of work."

Eric nodded. "I'm willing, God am I willing to work for it. I … I just want to be with you Ryan, I want to be with you and Aislin and be a family together."

Ryan trembled; he knew his he should say no to Eric, tell him that all they could be were friends. But he loved Eric so much and he wanted to be with him so desperately, he didn't even know how he'd managed to survive for so long, how he'd managed to go on living and breathing without Eric by his side.

But could he really risk it? Could he risk Eric hurting him again or him hurting Eric? Could he risk Aislin getting hurt in the process? Could he really attempt a relationship with this man again, when they'd gone through so much together, when they had so much history together?

In the end there was only one answer he could give.

He smiled. "Alright, we'll try again."

After all, maybe this really was the final hurdle they had to cross.

To Be Continued…

AN: One more chapter to go!


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Epilogue

Eric didn't know why Ryan had given in so quickly at the hospital after their kiss. To be completely honest he'd expected anger, a whole lot more arguments and rejection. But Ryan had surprised him, he'd given in, he'd melted in Eric's arms and had agreed to try again.

Eric didn't know why, but he was sure grateful that Ryan had given him, them, a second chance. He wasn't sure what he would have done if Ryan had rejected him at that moment, with the tenderness and the love so clear between them. Maybe that's why Ryan had decided to try again, because they still loved each other and even though loving someone isn't enough to keep a relationship going, it's a start.

Although Eric didn't really know why, he didn't mind not knowing. He'd rather keep it a mystery for the rest of his life, so that he could always think back on that moment with nothing in his mind save the estatic happiness that Ryan had said yes to him, that Ryan had taken him back.

Eric didn't think there was anything in this life that could make him happier, except for the sight in front of him.

Ryan was smiling broadly at a fuming Erica, who still hadn't managed to get rid of her babyweight despite the numerous diets, gym sessions and morning jogs. She looked irritated and angry that she had to bring over the babymilk every two days and appearently the sight of Eric pissed her off.

Naturally, the knowledge that they'd managed to overcome everything and that they were back together again pissed her off like nothing else, Eric mussed. Especially considering that everything she'd done was now in vain since she hadn't managed to break them up permenantly.

Hissing like a disgruntled cat she pushed the bag filled with bottles of breastmilk into Ryan's arms and stormed off. Ryan merely smiled sweetly and called after her: "Have a good day!"

Eric chuckled and shook his head. "Is it always like that?"

Ryan shrugged. "Mostly, but I won't have to deal with her anymore in a couple of months. She'll be out of my … our lives in no time."

Eric smiled and followed Ryan into the kitchen, watching as Ryan put the bottles of milk in the refrigerator. Eric hadn't moved back in yet, they'd decided that they would take it slow for a couple of weeks and see how things went.

Rowen was absolutely thrilled at the news that they were trying again and seemed convinced that this time they would stay together for good. Horatio had merely smiled at them and it had been obvious that he agreed with his bubbly wife.

And Eric had to admit that he agreed as well. This time, they would stay together for good. As long as they took it slow and made sure that they were comfortable with every aspect of their relationship, they could make it work. Eric was determined to make it work. He watched as Ryan carefully collected Aislin from the high kitchen chair and rocked her in his arms.

He smiled and kissed Ryan on the cheek, receiving a blinding smile in return. He grinned and wrapped his arm around Ryan's waist and looked down at Aislin. He would make this work, because he had no intention whatsoever of loosing either one of them again.

Fin


End file.
